Dear Loved One,
I know your days have been dreary and you can feel no relief nor joy in any of the things that you do. Your days are really long, not just long but filled with reasons why leaving would be far better than staying. You imagine your life and the people in it would be better and happier when you are gone because compared to others, you just don’t feel nor see the same amount of love coming back to you. There comes a point where you actually don’t feel the negative things anymore and you feel nothing. You feel the bottom of your pain, the part where every single fuck you had has run out. You cannot shake the feeling of being invisible and unimportant.
I am sorry that you are feeling this. I know this feeling. I still periodically feel this feeling because I look at the things people have done, the cruel and heartbreaking things that have been done and I wonder what it is about me that made them want to hurt me that badly? But what I know from the work I’ve been doing is that people are not responding to us, in fact, it really has little to do with us. Many people who try so hard to belittle and undermine others are in contention with the nasty parts of themselves spilling over. Bullies of all ages are small people who really hate what they are on the inside and act it out daily on the playgrounds, boardrooms and anywhere else where they assert their power. These people are small, they are hurting and you have to find a way to have your light be brighter than their shade.
Everything you could ever want and need is right inside of your soul, heart, and mind. The energy that you seek to be stronger, wiser, and better lives within every single affirmation and action that you decide will elevate your soul. You have to change your mind, you have to do activities that heal your soul, you have to surround yourself with people who will give you life and affirm you. Loving yourself despite your flaws, despite your pain, despite your desire to die, you are so much stronger than your loudest and darkest demon. You are better. You are stronger. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for and I will remind you as much as I can but it doesn’t matter if you don’t remind yourself.
I love you at your darkest. I love you at your brightest. I love when you are great and I love you when you are awful. I love you in-spite and despite everything that you think about yourself. In my eyes you are beautiful, you are a gift to my life and I’m so glad that you are here and you’ve transformed and healed me in ways you’ll never know. I am so grateful for the ways our lives have intersected and I would be crushed if you left this earth. I need you to stay with this world because who you are is love. You are not just your shadows. You are your light and I see your light and I want you to start feeling it too. I’m being selfish because I care about you winning and being greater than your smallest self. There is a warrior and a fighter in you and I’ll help you wake that part of yourself up. I am here to swim in rough waters with you, I’m here to weather hurricanes and I’m here to push past the pains and the breakdowns with you because you deserve that love. You deserve that light and you deserve to know that your life is worth fighting for at every turn. I love you. I love you.
We love you.
We need you.
I need you.