Love Me, Not The Idea Of Me

I am a sum total of everything I’ve gone through. I am empathetic because I’ve been through some dark times that required emotional heavy lifting. I know what it’s like to have everything I could ever desire and live in the moment of absolute contentment. I have been consistently working on breaking my vicious cycles and healing my karmic trauma. I glow, I shine, and my light is bright because it’s shining through all of the places I was cracked wide open. Each breakdown made room to learn a lesson and create room for evolution.

I have found through dating, observing behavior, and talking to my peers that people have a hard time loving someone in totality. We live in an instant gratification world, and the wave has people enjoying short-term fun but bowing out when the going gets tough. I’ve found myself being on both sides — I’ve been enjoyed for my fun and ease, but then when I became a person who required comfort during dark days, the enthusiasm faded. I have also gotten caught up in enjoying the idea of someone, but when he revealed himself totally, I was no longer interested.

There is nothing wrong with being honest about intentions, especially if the intention is to date casually. Things become messy when someone indicates that they want to date seriously but back off when they are met with the intensity of another person’s life. It is convenient to be enamored by a handsome face, a sexy body and a chill personality. What’s it take to love someone fully? Time. When I find myself wanting to be with someone days after meeting them, I immediately don’t trust my gut. I know for sure it’s the idea of them, because I don’t know enough to love them in totality.

It’s important to ask questions when getting to know someone, and it’s equally important to allow time to reveal what words cannot convey. Time gives us the space to observe and choose to walk with each other after a certain amount of time has passed. This is a breakthrough for me, because I used to rely solely on my feelings when it came to relationships. I will never let go of what my gut is telling me, but I’m also going to put some logic and common sense into play in order to find some balance.

Loving me means getting to know ALL of me and ACCEPTING ALL of me. That is what love is. It’s loving me when I’m stubborn, unsure, scared, and ornery. I am not just my light. No one is. Like all people, sometimes I’m blinded by what I want to see, and I don’t always want to see the rest.

To love someone is to love them fully, without restrictions or constraints. We all deserve bold, audacious, delicious love, but it comes attached to a real person. Real people aren’t always deliciously delightful. Sometimes things are messy, ugly and gross. Love extends to that too. Are you able to love fully? TC mark

About the author
Wild Woman. Carefree Black Girl. Joyfully Audacious. Follow Arihat on Instagram or read more articles from Arihat on Thought Catalog.

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