The single most irritating thing about a person is when they constantly ask ‘Are you ok today?’, ‘Something seems different in you’ or ‘You don’t seem yourself’. The saddest thing is that they are actually seeing the real you, the self that everyday you battle to conceal from the world whilst you paint on a face and try and act as normal as the next person.
I say irritating but actually it is quite hurtful, having anxiety is bad enough, but knowing you are projecting the internal negative energy externally is devastating. By having someone call out that ‘you are just not yourself’ can be harrowing and intensify the self doubt that you are not the person you once were, it becomes the moment when you accept that you have become a shadow of your former self, ridden with worry and self depreciation.
Often people misconceive you to be so uninterested and or preoccupied in something else.
People misinterpret the whirlwind of thoughts and anxieties as mere boredom or apathy towards what they are saying. You are often branded as moody or introvert when actually the thought of social interaction or saying something that might be incorrect is so nerve-racking it often becomes easier to just retreat within yourself and become an observer of society.
Being constantly asked ‘Are you ok?’ is actually a huge catalyst for anxiety, whilst dealing with the insecurities and hyper awareness of how other people perceive you, you are also trying to deal with the obtrusive negative thoughts that engulf your train of thought. You can attempt to avoid this constant conversation taking place within your head but even the mere act of trying to ignore these voices, is placing your attention elsewhere, eventually always giving people the impression you are sullen or that you are there but not really.
The negative effects this can have on relationships and friendships are so disheartening as there is no way to avoid this constant conversation going on in your head.
You are so worried about people’s perceptions of you and giving the best impression, that it looks as though your thoughts are elsewhere because you are ignorant or obnoxious to social conduct and politeness.
It can be so disorientating becoming controlled by these negative thoughts, it completely averts your attention; you are always branded as looking glum no matter how happy and upbeat you are, somehow you still manage to look so deep in thought that someone has to break the ice by asking ‘Are you ok, is something the matter today?’.
A question that has become quite a regular ask as you find people regularly perceiving you as highly strung, stressed or anxious. You find yourself questioning whether you are losing your mind, or going ‘mad’, but anxiety is the mind being hypersensitive and hyper aware.
The fact that you can recognize that something is not right with your mental state suggests the complete opposite of madness. It’s being so worried that you are abnormal which drives you to this ultimate fear of breakdown or being categorized by society.
Madness is when someone cannot decipher between reality and fiction for example believing that you are the second coming; the resurrection. Anxiety is being so aware of reality that you become obsessive over the fear of losing your mind, therefore so conscious that fiction could become reality if you do not keep hold of what is real; it is knowing that you are not Jesus but sitting for hours on end worrying about what would happen if your mind deteriorated and became this vulnerable.
Anxiety manipulates a vulnerable mind, it distorts your thought process and is at its worst at night time.
It keeps you lying awake not being able to sleep due to a fear of silence, hearing nothing and waiting for the demons in your head to emerge. It is your mind manipulating you into believing the worst, making you panic that fears which are dormant or irrational will develop. Whether they be medical worries or day to day worries, your brain is aware of these fears such as sleep paralysis or having a panic attack and you believe because you fear them so much they will come true because they are repressed and waiting to develop.
They do not develop though, because they are purely worries and anxieties, that is what separates anxiety aside from other illnesses. Every night is a battle within the mind. The insomnia having reduced you to merely a state of existence, taking every bit of energy and positivity for the day, leaves you in this blank state of being, you go around looking sleep deprived, glum, and over thinking.
Again, today is another day being asked ‘Are you ok?’