I search for him across the sea of hungry faces. Hoping to catch his eye, but he’s not within sight.
Now here we are, 29, single and forced together as we stand by the sides of our friends on their wedding day.
“Pause,” he said. But all I want is to rewind, replay, and then fast forward. We can’t be.
As I filled the pages with words of falling in love with you, I fell further away from you than ever.
If you are tired of Facebook statuses, stop reading them. Do not, however, use your privilege to silence those around you. Do not think for one minute this is in your power.
I’ve watched them choose grace, understanding, and kindness over destruction and madness.
Instead of running from ourselves.
As our relationship continues to stand still, I know that I will never be your girlfriend. You will never think about the possibility of making me your wife, or the mother of your children.
You realize that there is more to love than saying “I love you” and there is more to a relationship than words. You realize that love is more than phone calls with abrupt endings. Love is more than endless talks about him, his hopes, and his dreams. It is more than waiting for him to ask about your day.