I had convinced myself I was fine on my own. I was tired of my heart being dragged along, just to be dumped when he found someone “better.”
I was tired of trying to break my wall down, just to build it up again. It became a heartbreaking cycle I didn’t want to be on anymore.
So I stopped looking.
I stopped looking for the guy who was going to want me for me. Who made me feel comfortable and not ridiculous when my awkward shyness came out. Someone who didn’t just want to be tangled in the sheets with me and nothing more.
Because that’s not what I want.
I want a forever not a just for now.
I don’t want to play games and feel anxious when I haven’t heard from him in a while. I don’t want to feel like I said something wrong and that’s what scared him off.
Then you came along and I was thrown off guard.
I didn’t even mean to start falling for you so quickly because I had told myself not to. But you absolutely swept me off my feet.
You were kind and gentle and I instantly felt comfortable. Which is a feat in and of itself. You treat me right and with respect. Not like I am some object to be used or a prize to be won.
You cared about my dreams and my heartbreaks. And you asked me how my day was. You understood the little things.
You are the kind of guy I never knew I’d go for. The exact opposite of the others who just ended up being a**holes. Everything about you makes me want to know more.
And I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting you.
Maybe everyone is accurate when they say the right person will come along when you stop searching for them. Because that’s what happened. I stopped looking. I gave up getting my hopes up about someone.
I don’t know my future; I don’t know my forever. All I do know is that you are what I need now.
And with you, I’m not afraid of you running off when you are tired of me. Or keeping me around just enough, while you test the waters with other girls. My anxious mind has settled enough for me to not worry when your name hasn’t popped up on my phone in a while.
Because I know it will eventually.