I’m Still Here, But I’m Not Waiting

You are still the one person I would let back in if you decided I was the one you wanted.

Easily.

I’ve gone against every piece of advice telling me to wait for the guy who knows he wants you right away. I’ve stuck with my gut on this one. And every day I pray I’m not making a mistake.

My friends tell me they don’t understand, and you know what? I don’t really either. I don’t understand any of this.

It’s crazy, it’s stupid and I’m probably being way too naïve about it all. But I clearly don’t care.

Maybe it’s because I have an inkling our story just isn’t quite over yet, or maybe it’s because of the way you make me feel. But I can’t completely walk away.

You’re different. With you I feel like you actually do want me, you’re just not ready to let me in. You’re trying to protect whatever we could be for a better time.

While I’m not going to wait around for you to change your mind, I’m also still open for you to come back to me.

I am not going to put off any other potential relationships on the possibility that maybe one day you will be mine. And throwing away all hope for us is not going to happen. At least not anytime soon.

So continue on with your “hello beautifuls” and breathtaking hugs that keep me hanging on, I honestly don’t mind. But until you give me a peek into what’s going on in your mind, I won’t be begging for your attention.

As much as I can’t forget the times we spent together, I can’t put my life on hold because of “what ifs.” I can’t sit around feeling confused and overanalyzing every touch and every word you say.

It isn’t fair to my heart. It isn’t fair to continue giving it hope when it fears impending heartbreak. It isn’t fair to have it hurt each time I see you with some other girl.

I know I need to take a step back. I know I can do this while also leaving the door still open.

So here I am if you want me.
But I won’t be here forever.