If You Can’t Forgive Them, Then Forgive Yourself

They say time heals all wounds. Sure, this may be true for a broken bone, but even that can sometimes come with a lingering pain long after it’s healed.  While the bone may be healed, when the weather is just right, you get that little reminder of a break that once was.

What about matters of the heart, trauma, a break that cannot be mended with a cast or an apology? Time gives distance and the opportunity to reflect, but can it heal?

It is what is done with that time that heals and mends. Forgiveness is a funny thing. It’s one of those pieces of advice people give as a “cure all” to help you move on. Forgiveness can mend a fight or a broken relationship, but what if an action is truly unforgivable and the hurt that person caused can not be easily healed?

Everyone does not deserve your forgiveness. Some things cannot be forgiven. But when that is the case, you must forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for any hate you directed at yourself. Forgive yourself for what someone else did to you. Forgive yourself any blame you internalized, because you did not hurt you.

We’re always taught to forgive one another, but sometimes the real person we have to forgive is ourselves. That is when the real healing can begin.

So does time heal all wounds? Not in and of itself. It is what you do with that time that heals. Finding a way to forgive not the person that hurt you but yourself for what was done to you can be the key to healing.  It may heal like a broken bone, leaving an ache in the right conditions, but the pain will subside and you will be able to see that light again and come out on the other side, not untouched but okay.