You Have To Stop Loving Them For Their Potential

a hand reaching up over a sunrise
Bryan Minear

If you’re going to love someone make sure to love them for who they are right now and not for who they could be.

Everyone has potential and it can be frustrating when you can see it so clearly but they don’t manage to achieve it or even care that they could. It’s so annoying. Especially when you are so sure they could do it and it would honestly be so painless if only they…

Just stop.

Those thoughts have the power to ruin your entire relationship.

That wishful thinking, though it comes from a good place, has the power to get you into a relationship that never should have been.

Those lofty ideals literally have the power to wreck your life.

You need to love the person who is in front of you today, not the person who could possibly be in front of you in the future if only they did xyz and tried harder and maybe cut their hair and maybe stop being so narcissistic…

Seeing the potential in someone is a beautiful thing but you will save yourself a lot of grief by not focusing on it unless that someone is already en route to achieving it.

And by en route I mean already making strides willingly.

They need to have the willpower and initiative to do it on their own. You, pulling them by the metaphorical leash, to achieve whatever potential you see in them, will never ever work.

Let me repeat that: It’ll never ever work.

In my experience, seeing the potential in a partner is the Achilles heel of women (though I’ve encountered a few men who have this bad habit too). It really is beautiful but at the same time it’s very harmful.

We have such dreams, such aspirations for our loved ones. And we do it with the best intentions! But it poisons the relationship. By focusing on the potential and disregarding the reality you are implicitly telling your Significant Other that they are currently not good enough.

What’s worse is when they’re not even your Significant Other. In fact, they might not even be worth having as a partner because of bad habits or lack of principles. But you’re seeing the potential and that’s clouding your judgment, getting you to accept someone who doesn’t deserve you.

What’s staring at you in the face right now is your current reality and this is what is worth focusing on. Sooner or later you’re going to see that the potential goes *POOF* and you’re left with nothing. Cut your losses now and focus on someone who is what you want right now. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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