A List Of Things I’ve Already Done In 2018 That I Regret

1. Ordered from Postmates 3 different times in one night. Who the fuck do I think I am? A Kardashian? I don’t have that kinda money, honey!

2. Walked to the grocery store in the dark to get a bottle of wine while listening to a true crime podcast.

3. Made plans to hang out with someone that I immediately knew I would cancel.

4. Sold my DSLR camera for $$$. Realized this means I can’t make quality YouTube videos anymore. Then remembered I didn’t make quality YouTube videos before!

5. Let a friend get into my head about an issue that she had no right to discuss with me.

6. Sent a cover letter to a company I badly wanted to work for that had a tiny typo that I SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT BUT I DIDN’T, FUCK!!!

7. Took 3 depression naps within 12 hours. Didn’t consider finding a therapist instead.

8. Went for a petty route instead of being honest about my feelings.

9. Answered a phone call I should have let go to voicemail.

10. Signed up for a gym that I have yet to go to. They keep emailing. I GET IT, GOLD’S, I GET IT!

11. Downplayed my career goals in conversation to someone because I felt more comfortable being self-deprecating than genuine.

12. Got too drunk at a party and apparently got really mean.

13. Ignored attempts from new people who wanted to be my friend.

14. Purposefully made myself miserable by watching The Body episode of Buffy.

15. Become obsessed with the varicose veins in my legs and immediately started looking up cosmetic procedures to get rid of them.

16. Missed Emo Night in LA because I was, ironically, too sad to go!

17. Ate a block of cheese one night despite being lactose intolerant.

18. Lied to my mom.

19. Lied to myself.