In Which A Boy I Love Loves Someone Else

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A boy I love loves someone else.
And I know I should stop calling him Boy,
should stop clinging to our adolescent life – like, maybe,
if I think about it enough, I can somehow breathe it back into existence.

Did you know if you dream about him five nights in a row, your heart becomes a time machine?

You will try to take his mouth in yours,
wake up in his mother’s house and make bagels
in the morning.

I won’t rush this time.
Won’t make him question if I want to be there.

His ache isn’t louder. I mean, yes, I know it was louder
but that didn’t mean mine wasn’t powerful,
didn’t mean I didn’t love him just as much.

I am sorry he mistook introversion
for leaving.

I am sorry he mistook my distended belly
for unhappiness with him.

I am sorry he mistook my broken body
for a body that wanted someone else.

I just didn’t know I had allergies.
There is nothing deeper.

And I am sorry I got better after we split.
And I am sorry for how that looked.
And I am sorry for the photos and the dancing and the college life that seemed
instantly better after our goodbye.

That’s not what it was.

A boy I love loves someone else.
He smiles at me across a white table.
We are quiet when our fingers touch.

Still, after all this time,
the love never stopped.

But a boy I love loves someone else.
There is no time machine.
There is no us. TC mark

Purchase Ari Eastman’s latest poetry book Bloodline.


Bloodline is available as a physical and electronic book. You can buy it here

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
Let go now
In Which A Boy I Love Loves Someone Else is cataloged in , ,

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