Hello, my name is Ari Eastman and I am with child through immaculate conception. (Not so special now, are you, Mary?)
How did this happen you ask? Well, inquisitive reader, it is quite a story. I’m glad you’re curious!
It was a fairly normal afternoon. I’d already done my routine lurk of my ex boyfriend on LinkedIn (he’s doing well!), made a cup of green tea, and decided to peruse Twitter. Just out here living my carefree, 20-something life, retweeting and giggling at my computer screen.
Out of nowhere, a photo appeared on my timeline.
It took me a moment to realize what was happening. I felt tingly in places I didn’t know existed! But I couldn’t deny it, seeing President Obama and Prime Minister Trudeau casually having dinner together sans jackets meant something. My body was changing. Everything was changing.
My previously unoccupied uterus officially had company.
Here’s hoping I’m not in need of a c-section or treatment for postpartum depression!!!!! According to the AHCA, I’m a big ol’ pre-existing condition.
The good news, my baby shower registry will be available soon. Be on the look out. I also happily accept cash.