15 Signs You’re A California Bitch All The Way

The OC

1. The use of ‘dude’ isn’t gender-specific. Your mom is also Dude.

2. You cringe at the use of Cali. Nobody from California calls it Cali. We immediately know you are an outsider. It’s an automatic tell.

3. You consider avocados a major food group. And yes, as a matter of fact, you do think you make the best avocado toast around.

4. You had NO idea in some states you can’t buy liquor on Sundays. There are these things called Blue laws which are designed to enforce religious standards. UM? WHAT ABOUT RELIGIOUS FREEDOM??? In California, we understand the importance of a Sunday glass of wine.

5. Earthquakes are, like, honestly whatever.

6. But the idea of hurricanes, tornadoes, or blizzards?!? TERRIFYING.

7. You think that fake leather jacket you got from Forever 21 a million years ago counts as a winter coat.

8. You don’t own rain boots…if we’re not counting an ancient pair of Uggs that are probably hiding somewhere deep in the recesses of your closet.

9. One of your friends is either vegan, gluten-free, or trying out the Paleo diet.

10. You might be vegan, gluten-free, or trying out the Paleo diet.

11. You consider it winter if it’s 50 degrees outside.

12. You’re basically programmed now to conserve water. You’ve mastered taking the quickest (but efficient!) shower.

13. You instantly can tell an In-N-Out Burger is nearby just by the aroma. You’d recognize that smell anywhere.

14. You really get a kick out of being petty af and saying things like, “Ugh, that would NEVER happen in California.”

15. You have zero desire to live in any other state. And, honestly, why would you? TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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