Your phone beeps. Or vibrates. Or maybe even just silently lights up in a room full of darkness. I guess you’ve been waiting for this. You’ve been hoping. Even if you won’t admit it out loud, you’ve been hoping.
Your heart is sitting somewhere in your throat and you keep trying to swallow it back down. But nothing works for this. Nothing seems to do the trick.
You don’t remember how you got here, or why you’re so willing to sit and wait for someone who doesn’t take the time to ask how you’re doing in the daytime. It’s like you only exist after the clock strikes 12. You’re living some reverse Cinderella fairytale. This is nothing like you thought it would be.
Just waiting. Just hoping.
Television and movies lied to you. You don’t change him. An epiphany doesn’t hit in the middle of the night. There’s no grand gesture or sweeping overture that lets you know the big romantic finish is coming.
If he doesn’t make an effort, if he gives only the bare minimum, if his interest in you seems permanently tangled up in his own loneliness or sex drive, that’s all this will ever be.
And you deserve more.
You deserve someone who asks about your day and not just out of politeness or formality. You deserve someone who wants to hear about the details – the fight you had with your boss or that interesting factoid you just learned about hummingbirds. Someone who asks questions and digs deep, wants to learn as much about you as he can. You deserve someone you can talk with at all hours.
For now, you’re putting all your faith in someone who keeps proving to be just one thing: not deserving of your time and attention.
And it burns. You see potential and find excuses to cut him slack. You convince yourself he can become this person – this one you deserve.
Because when he asks, yes, you’re up. But not for the right reasons. Remember, this is not a reflection on you or your worth. You just haven’t found the right person to stay up at 2 am for.