On Pain And Excuses

Felix Russell-Saw
Felix Russell-Saw

My mouth is full of canker sores.
A friend says, “Babe, shouldn’t you be tested for those?”
I say, “You’re thinking of cold sores.”
And then give her some half-assed speech on shaming those with STDs.
She says, “You’re always righteous about things that don’t affect you.”

I agree, I guess. I am the very picture of white privilege, pissed at everyone for things that do not hurt me. Does that make me good or another liberal with white-guilt? I don’t have the answer.

I drink too much instead.

My mouth is full of canker sores. A doctor once said there is a genetic component and my aunt suffered in her twenties. I am twenty four.

Canker sores are not contagious. Trust me, I’ve googled that shit. They’re like tiny ulcers. Frankly, I’m surprised I don’t have more. Think my entire body is a giant ulcer at this point. Feels impossible to be this nervous without acid tearing a hole, somewhere.

My friend asks where it hurts and I point to the roof of my mouth. And the back of my throat. Basically anywhere, take your pick.

Lately, it hurts everywhere.

I blame the canker sores.

It’s easier that way. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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