1. The douchebag bartender.
Okay, sure #NotAllBartenders. But the one who routinely texts, “You up? Just finished my shift” at around 4 am is not worthy of your time or energy. I get it! It’s easy to be blinded by his charm and ability to provide you with free alcohol. But if think you’re the only girl he’s doing shots with while he works, you are sorely mistaken.
2. The guy who just “doesn’t have time for a relationship right now.”
We all have the capability to make time if we really want to. Babycakes, he just doesn’t want to.
3. The guy who says he’s bad at texting.
He says he never has his phone with him. Unless he’s decided to go fully off the grid and is currently living in the woods with only a backpack and copy of Into the Wild, he definitely has his phone next to him. He saw your text.
4. An EDM DJ.
Unless he’s headlining at Coachella, avoid all DJs. Actually, even if he is headlining at Coachella. Say no.
5. The wounded artist.
He’s the dude who will tell you he wrote a song about you and in the same breath say, “I’m just too messed up to be with anyone.” Let someone else be his Florence Nightingale.
6. The super young one.
If you are in your mid-twenties and talking to a guy who can’t even legally get into bars yet, I have to ask you just one question. What. Are. You. Doing?
7. The random British guy.
He’ll sweep you off your feet with his wit and Jude Law accent, but keep having secret sex with the girl he claims is “just a friend.” I MEAN, I DON’T KNOW. IT’S NOT LIKE THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
8. The fuckboy who admits he’s a fuckboy.
The self-proclaimed player. He tells you straight up who he is and what he’s looking for. Ignore that little voice inside that says you can change him. You can’t. And tbh, you can’t be mad when he acts EXACTLY like he told you he would.
9. The professor.
Honey, there are better ways to get an A. Like studying.
10. The guy who only got into college because of a football scholarship.
If you’re wondering what it’s like to have a conversation with a rock, he’s your man!
11. The Ultimate Bro.
He refers to his friends as his boys and does keg stands far past an appropriate age to do so. The Bro has an expiration date. But he hasn’t figured that out yet.
12. The Entrepreneur on Tinder.
He probably has multiple shirtless pictures on his account. There’s a solid chance he’s a drug dealer. Also watch out for “self-employed” — it means he doesn’t have a job.
13. The friend of your ex.
BAD IDEA. YOU HEAR ME? BAD IDEA. DON’T DO IT.