Here’s The Thing: A Love That’s Magic Won’t Just Fall Into Your Lap

Emily & Steve Photography
Emily & Steve Photography

There’s a romance to the belief that our Great Love will appear out of nowhere. It will tap us on our shoulder, swoop in without any warning, and our lives will be permanently changed.

We want our happy endings. We want our storybook plot lines that we were promised as children. We’ll marry our Great Love and everyone will swoon over how effortless it all was. It will be simple, easy, like falling in love can happen within the blink of an eye.

And maybe for some people, it does happen that way. We all know couples with the perfect “how-we-met” stories that are so sickeningly sweet, we wonder how ours will ever compare. They’ll boast how they weren’t even looking. “Really, love just fell into our laps! We didn’t expect this to happen!”

And it’s beautiful. Really, it is. Whenever love happens, it’s a miracle. It’s a celebration.

But magic doesn’t just happen.

Magicians go to magician school, or, you know, whatever it is they do. They learn how to perform tricks. They study the craft. Is this a stupid comparison? Probably. But I think we’re so quick to look at the result, ~*~the magic~*~, that we forget how people got there. They worked. They tried.

If you want a Great Love, you have to be willing to put your heart on the line.

If you want a Great Love, you need to fail first.

If you want a Great Love, you need to experience the wrong kind of love.

(For the freaks who got it right on the first try, you’re beautiful, that’s great…we all kind of hate you 😇)

If you want a Great Love, you need to apply yourself.

It’s kind of like getting a job. I know, I know, that’s not remotely sexy. That’s not as romantic as this idea that it just happens. I’m ruining ~*~the magic~*~ we’re all supposed to obsess over. But I’m just going to level with you, fairytales were always bullshit. Things happen in our lives because we did something. It isn’t because of some stardust fate. You got that job because you took a damn shot and applied. You interviewed. You were qualified and worked your ass off.

Do you really think love is that different?

Do you really think your Great Love is going to come if you don’t first take a chance?

If you live your whole life waiting, nothing is going to happen. My mother has a friend who has been “waiting” forever. She is nearing 50 and has never had a longterm relationship. She simply never tried to date. She thought, if it was meant to be, it would happen. That kind of mentality is toxic. That kind of mentality means you sit around. That kind of mentality means what you deserve never comes. Because you never went after it. You never gave yourself the opportunity to find it.

Could you luck out and meet your future spouse while you’re buying avocados at the grocery store? Sure. Of course you could. But the people who did? They were OPEN to love. They were willing to take that terrifying dive. They were ready to give Love a fighting chance.

Not everyone is meant to be with a partner and that’s also totally okay. There’s no checklist we’re meant to cross off. But if romance is important to you, don’t sit idly by.

Does this mean you need to sign up for every possible app and throw yourself into the dating world? No.

But if you want something magic, you have to be open to looking for it.

You have to be ready with outstretched arms when it finally arrives. You need to know that magic, as all things do, still requires work.

Your Great Love is going to be so, so great. Don’t wait around passively for it. Go look. Go try. It’s worth it. I promise. I promise it’s worth it. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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