26 Hilariously Strange Tweets From The Bernie Sanders Parody Account You Never Knew You Needed
By Ari Eastman
1.
I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER OWN A MUSTACHE
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 11, 2016
2.
WHICH POWERS DO PANDAS HAVE THAT REGULAR RACCOONS DONT
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 9, 2016
3.
I HAVE A THEORY THAT INSIDE THE PIT OF EVERY AVOCADO IS A SMALL UNIVERSE
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 20, 2016
4.
TAPE IS MORE USEFUL THAN PEOPLE GIVE IT CREDIT FOR
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 23, 2016
5.
INSIDE EVERY CUCUMBER IS THE POTENTIAL FOR PICKLE
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 31, 2016
6.
CHEERIOS ARE TINY SUGAR BAGELS
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 30, 2016
7.
IMAGINE A POTATO AND INSIDE IT IS ANOTHER POTATO AND SO ON AND SO FORTH
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 30, 2016
8.
THE HOT DOG IS MORE OF A SHAPE THAN A FOOD
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 28, 2016
9.
WHY DO KIDS THESE DAYS ALWAY TALK ABOUT TIMBER
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 25, 2016
10.
I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT CLINTON DOESN'T PEEL HER STRING CHEESE—SHE JUST BITES THEM
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 24, 2016
11.
HAM
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 3, 2016
12.
HAS ANYONE EVER CONSIDERED THAT PEANUT BUTTER MIGHT NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE SO CLOSE TO JELLY
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 1, 2016
13.
CAULIFLOWER IS ONE OF THE MOST SUSPICIOUS VEGETABLES
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) February 29, 2016
14.
ONLY DOGS CAN JUDGE US
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) February 22, 2016
15.
TAX PEACOCKS—THE 1% OF BIRDS
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) February 18, 2016
16.
WHY MUST GREEK YOGURT BE STRAINED—WHY CAN'T IT RELAX
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) February 8, 2016
17.
IS THE LINE BETWEEN SOUP AND SODA BLURRY TO ANYONE ELSE
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) February 7, 2016
18.
IF CATS COULD SPEAK TO US THEY WOULDN'T
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) February 7, 2016
19.
SQUIRREL MIGHT BE BABY RACCOON YOU DON'T KNOW
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) February 6, 2016
20.
WHAT ARE "CONTENT CREATORS"—DO THEY MEAN MOMS
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) February 4, 2016
21.
EVERY TIME I CUT OPEN A TOMATO PART OF ME EXPECTS IT TO SCREAM
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) January 20, 2016
22.
MET A DOG THAT DISAPPROVED OF ME TODAY—FOR REASONS THAT ARE AS UNKNOWABLE AS THEY ARE HAUNTING
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) January 10, 2016
23.
IF YOU EAT WHILE ANGRY THE CALORIES DON'T COUNT
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) January 5, 2016
24.
IT IS CRUEL TO LEAVE YOUR COMPUTER ON ALL ALONE AT HOME
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) December 26, 2015
25.
SAUSAGE IS A MEAT BUT NOT AN ANIMAL
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) December 20, 2015
26.
WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE A CAT THAT DOESN'T BRAG ABOUT IT'S BUTT HOLE
— Bernie Thoughts (@berniethoughts) March 13, 2016