14 Hilarious Stages Of The College All-Nighter

The Big Bang Theory
The Big Bang Theory

1. Denial About How Much You Still Have To Do

Seriously, it’s not a big deal. Yeah, you have a 10 page paper you’ve only written one sentence for, but you can crank that bad boy out easily. No worries! You’re not even stressed. It’ll be easy, breezy, beautiful, Cover Girl.

2. Slow Creep Of “Oh My God”

Now that you’re actually sitting down to work, the enormity of it starts hitting you like a semi-truck. A 10 PAGE PAPER? BUT, I ONLY HAVE ONE PAGE WORTH OF THOUGHTS. (Or like, two paragraphs if we’re being honest.)

3. Rounding Up Moral Support

You begin sending out distress signals to your peers who might be in a similar boat. You’re suddenly ready to get chummy with that terribly pretentious girl who is horrible to be around…but takes killer class notes. Even your group texts start to look a little frantic. “Anyone start studying for Mr. Peterson’s class yet???? Group study sesh??? HELLO, 911, ANYONE????”

4. 15 Minute Social Media Break

You’ve been working solidly for 30 minutes so OBVIOUSLY that means you deserve a reward. You’re just going to peruse Twitter for a tiny bit. Maybe double tap a few Instagrams. Just a quick look, you earned it.

5. Falling Deep Into A Weird Internet Hole

So that 15 minute “break” has somehow turned into a full-fledged hour and now you have so many internal questions. Why are you looking at photos from an acquaintance’s trip to Hawaii last year? Why are you on Tobey Maguire’s IMDB page? Why did you Google, “Can dogs get abortions?” You don’t have the answers, but you just lost an hour of work time. Oops.

6. FOCUSED AS F*CK

Alright, enough messing around, it’s time to get SERIOUS. You just downed a coffee/tea/Red Bull and now you’re getting shit DONE. Nobody can stop you. You’re actually starting to scare people. HULK SMASH. HULK SMASH THIS ESSAY. HULK ACE THIS FINAL. HULK MAKE PARENTS PROUD OF HULK ACADEMIC SUCCESS.

7. Must Refuel

Your stomach has decided to join the party. You try to ignore it at first, but the rumbling just gets louder and louder. So you do the healthy thing. Eat anything and everything you can find dripping with sugar.

8. One More Break, I Swear

You just ate an entire pack of Oreos and now your stupid stomach who SUGGESTED the Oreos is hurting. You’re gonna just sit down for a bit. Watch something for 30 minutes on Netflix. And then, NO. MORE. BREAKS.

9. Ok, Two Episodes

Because honestly, who watches just ONE episode of The Office?

10. Sudden Urge To Clean Your Room

You’ll be able to focus more if your space is clean and organized, right? Yeah, okay. Definitely.

11. 20 Minute Nap

The caffeine is wearing off and your eyes are slowly closing. Dammit. You still have work to do, but maybe your brain needs a little rest? You set an alarm on your phone and fall asleep.

12. AWAKE AND HATING THE WORLD

You’re 97% sure your alarm is lying because that felt like no time at all. Whatever. You’re up now. And everything is The Worst. Why did you wait so long? Why do you always do this? Why are you suddenly on Tobey Maguire’s IMDB page again?

13. Everything Is Funny

You’ve now hit that point with sleep deprivation and stress that you’ve straight up gone insane. Everything is hilarious. Like, crying from laughter. Hahaha. Haha. HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

14. Final Stretch

You’re so close that you can taste it. Or maybe that’s acid reflux from all the stress, hard to know. But you’re gonna do it. You’re gonna make it, kid. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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