1.

“Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure.”

— Sloane Crosley

2.

“I felt overstuffed and dull and disappointed, the way I always do the day after Christmas, as if whatever it was the pine boughs and the candles and the silver and gilt-ribboned presents and the birch-log fires and the Christmas turkey and the carols at the piano promised never came to pass.”

— Sylvia Plath

3.

“On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf’s lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.”

— David Sedaris

4.

“I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a sociopath.”

— Bo Burnham

5.

“A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.”

— Aesop

6.

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

— A.A. Milne

7.

“I don’t like holidays. And I don’t like crowds of people. I don’t like noise.”

— Roz Chast

8.

“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.”

— Victor Borge

9.

“Am I grumpy? I might be. But I think maybe sometimes it’s misinterpreted.”

— Harrison Ford

10.

“I hate people.”

— Maurice Sendak

11.

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

— George Carlin

12.

“Bah, said Scrooge, Humbug.”

— Charles Dickens

13.

“No.”

— Grumpy Cat