7 Important Questions To Honestly Ask Yourself Before Getting Serious In Your Relationship
By Ari Eastman
1. “Am I using this as an emotional bandaid?”
We’ve all done this. We’ve all found something to distract ourselves from that shitty thing we don’t want to face. That’s how vices are formed — we’re avoiding uncomfortable realities. But the problem with involving another person? Someone is going to get hurt. It’s so easy to push demons aside and just fall into something as comforting as love. But things have a way of popping back up. Always.
2. “Am I comfortable communicating with my partner?”
Relationship Basics 101 — if you can’t openly talk to the person you’re dating about how you’re feeling, there will absolutely be an eventual expiration date. Or a very unhappy you.
3. “Do I have any unresolved ~*~*ex~*~* stuff?”
This kind of goes back to #1 with how often people (without always realizing it) start dating someone else to cover up the wound left by a previous relationship. Rebounds are going to happen. It’s (shitty) human nature, but you damn sure better recognize that’s what you’re doing before things start heating up more. And hey, it’s natural to miss people from the past. Everyone experiences it. But if you’re really not over a situation, repeat after me: “I WILL NOT USE SOMEONE ELSE TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT AN EX.” Say it again. Okay? Okay.
4. “Are we giving and taking in equal amounts?”
Are you the one putting in all the effort? Or does it feel like they’re constantly making sure you’re taken care of? Ideally, you’d strike a good balance between the two. And if you want to take this in a sexual context, BE MY GUEST. *cue Beauty and the Beast soundtrack*
5. “Am I still making myself a priority?”
I think we forget about this one far too often. We’re made to believe love should be this huge sacrificial thing. Like it’s always that “I’d die for this other person” romance. Cool, that’s great. But there are two people involved in the relationship. And…NEWSFLASH, you’re one of them. So if you aren’t also taking time for yourself, that’s not exactly a good thing either.
6. “Do we have similar long-term goals?”
This is an area some people disagree on, and on one hand, I get it. You don’t need to necessarily line up on all future goals to get serious, but will it make things easier if you do? Absolutely. You’ll have areas you differ, because you’re different people, but if you match up on the big stuff, you’ve got a much better shot at longevity.
7. “Would I be okay on my own?”
This is a tough one. If you’re really in love with someone, the idea of being without them hurts. Like…physically hurts. Heartbreak is THAT bitch, you know? So, while you might not like envisioning a life without your honey, it’s still an important thing to do. Would you be okay fiscally? Are you dependent on this person for emotional support? Have you taken time to establish a relationship with yourself? Putting all your stock in one person can be dangerous if things fall apart.