10 Stages Of Getting Drunk With Your Friends As Post-Grads
By Ari Eastman
1. Sipping On Nostalgia
Memory lane is as almost as potent as alcohol. And in some situations, maybe even more so. Once college ends, it sort of becomes all you can talk about for a period of time. And when you get drunk with your buddies after those diplomas have been handed out? You start every other conversation with, “Oh my god, do you remember that time we ____??” It’s like a disease. You can’t help yourself.
2. Judging The Cheap Stuff
Why isn’t it as satisfying to drink glasses of André anymore? Why do you suddenly have taste buds that you didn’t seem to have as a student? You almost want to hate yourself for this, your newfound ability to distinguish the difference between “the good stuff” and “cheap shit we drank at house parties.”
3. Stalking Your Classmates
The buzz has started kicking in and someone suggests looking up your peers from school to see what they’re up to. Phones out. Social media sleuth mode: activated. And let’s be real, you all have someone you’re hoping looks horrible and still hasn’t landed that *dream* job yet. And it’s probably an ex…(Okay, it’s definitely an ex)
4. “F*CK THAT GUY!”
Sound the alarm: someone is crying over the ex now. Because no, contrary to popular belief, getting together with your friends and bitching about someone who hurt you isn’t something that fades with time. High school, college, post-grad life, divorcees — we all keep venting. It’s an honored tradition and the sign of true camaraderie.
5. Realizing You Are Drunker Than You Thought
You might be out of practice with drinking because your life doesn’t just revolve around #ThirstyThursday. You work a 9-5, go to bed at a much more decent hour than 2 am, get genuinely excited about things like buying new pairs of socks or paying your credit card off. But you’ve probably forgotten this fact until now, when you are a few shots too deep and realizing you and your friends are way more shit-faced than you first anticipated getting.
6. “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?”
A (not) gentle panic starts emerging in the room. Wait, what are you doing with your life? The slurring anxiety spreads. “WHAT ARE WE DOING? GUYS???” Someone suggests going back to college and just never leaving. You all agree that sounds like the logical choice.
7. It’s Fine, We’re So Young.
A voice of (slightly more) sober reason comes in, usually the friend that has a natural tendency to take care of everyone. You remember how young you all are! You’ve got alllll the time in the world. You don’t need to be on the Forbes list or married in 5 months, you’re just enjoying time with friends. CHEERS TO THAT!
8. Another Round!!!
If you’re at a bar, the most successful of friends will offer to buy another round, ON THEM, and though the rest of the group protests for a second, it’s an eventual, (and overwhelming) “YASSSS, MORE DRINKS!!”
9. “I REALLY LOVE YOU ALL!”
We call alcohol liquid courage, but I think we should also call it “sudden-declarations-of-intense-love juice.” Idk, maybe not as catchy? But there always comes a point in the night when you all enter a giant, squishy, mushy love fest. Even the most reserved will join in. They’ve seen you through it all. Maybe you went to school together, or you’ve now come back together after going separate ways. You’re all here, now. And that’s what matters.
10. Calling The Uber
You know some young hot college kids are still out there going strong, and bless them, but you aren’t those kids anymore. It’s not even closing time, but someone has started yawning. Someone else wants to get home and cook a frozen pizza and fall asleep with Friends playing in the background. Sure, you aren’t all the party animals you once were. But what’s the shame in that?