How It Feels To Be ‘The Nice Girl’

Someone once told me my greatest asset was my kindness, that I could soak up venom with sweetness,
And it would serve me well.
My heart could unlock gates.
I’d walk through hot coals and still thank the person who placed them there.
So I dip my toes in honey before walking outside.
I’ve got smiles practiced,
Ready.
I’ll give you the best I’ve got,
Until I’m out of breath with loving everyone else too much.
Starting to notice footprints on my back.
This doormat look isn’t what I signed up for,
This cowardice,
This fear of making anyone uncomfortable.
It’s settling somewhere in my stomach and I’m not sure I like it.
It’s crawling up at night when nobody is awake,
when there’s nobody left to please.

I have always known how important it is to care about others. But I am one of the others too.

I am learning how to say no. I have to say no.
Sometimes.
And I have to say yes
to me.