1. How often you creep on your crush on social media.
It’s totally casual to the rest of the world. Oh, did they post a new profile photo? You hadn’t noticed. It’s so whatever…but your BFF already knows you were staring at that goddamn BEAUTIFUL PICTURE. You don’t even try to cover up that whenever you start typing something in the search bar, BOOM, there’s your crush just popping up. Facebook knows what you were trying to do, and so does your BFF.
2. Anything gross about your body.
“Hey, can I tell you something gross?” – a text you send far too often to your BFF. You are like the Grand Canyon, OPEN FOR THEM TO SEE. You tell them the things that would be mortifying for anyone else to discover. Some rash that may or may not be an STD (Hey, you should get that checked out though, your BFF isn’t a doctor). Yeast infections, a mole that is like, kinda fucked up looking. Nothing is off limits to tell or show your BFF. They love you no matter how disgusting your body is being at the moment.
3. That person you absolutely hate for a really good reason.
It’s kind of trendy right now to pretend to hate everyone? I don’t know why. I blame Grumpy Cat. But the person you actively dislike probably doesn’t know it. You smile, make nice when you see them, but your BFF can feel your hatred from across the room.
4. That person you absolutely hate for no reason.
This is mean. But we all have that person we just cannot stand, yet we don’t know why. You TRY to like them. But you just HATE THEM WITH A BURNING PASSION AND THERE’S NO SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE TO BACK UP WHY BUT YOU JUST DOOOOO. And your BFF is the only person you can share this fact with. “I hate them and I don’t know why.” “Okay, I hate them too.”
5. The truth about whatever white lie you just told.
We all lie. We just do. Sometimes, it’s shitty and we shouldn’t. Other times, it’s kind of a social necessity. But you’ll always come clean to your BFF. Plus, they know when you’re lying so you kind of don’t even need to. “How was that party you said you went to?” “Oh, yeah, no I watched Netflix. That was a lie.” “Yeah, I know.”
6. Anything your family is doing that’s really annoying you.
The people we love can really drive us nuts. It’s a fact of life. And your best friend isn’t going to judge you for being overly harsh. You just need to vent and let off some steam, and they are happy to provide an accepting ear. “CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE JUST CAME INTO MY CLOSET AND TOOK MY SHIRT? LIKE IS SHE THE DEVIL?!?!”
7. That you ate an entire pack of cookies when you got drunk.
Then proceeded to text your ex. AND YOU DON’T REGRET A SECOND OF IT. Okay, like, you totally do but at least your BFF is there for you.
8. The weird sex dream you had about *insert bizarre celebrity*
…Unless you’re me who actively broadcasts this information to the entire internet, all. the. time. Action Bronson, I keep dreaming about you babe. See you at Coachella?
9. Any embarrassing moments from the past that you are kind of in denial about.
When you read that, something came to mind. Maybe it was someone you hooked up with. Something really horribly embarrassing you did in high school. I don’t know, but there’s SOMETHING that gives you the cringe-factor that you like to pretend never happened. But your BFF knows. Ohhhh…they know.
10. Really, really stupid questions that you should know the answers to.
What exactly are taxes? Can I use dish soap in the dishwasher? What happens if you put artichoke leaves down the garbage disposal? What’s the meaning of life?
11. Your financial situation.
MONEY IS WEIRD. Like, money and anything surrounding it is mad weird and uncomfortable. But your ultimate BFF probably knows exactly how much you make, your spending habits, and has definitely used your credit card for stuff. And you’ve used theirs. It’s the rawest trust there is.
12. A serious fear of the future.
This isn’t that weird because we’re all scared puppies. But your BFF is that person you can cry to over a glass of wine and say things like, “WHAT IF I DIE ALONE?” And they remind you that won’t happen. Because you’ll always have each other.