When You Become Almost Lovers (Spoken Word)

#SpokenWordSaturday


I wish you could see that I know you have baggage
But it doesn’t scare me.
In fact, I am the type to offer my hand,
Because with one less suitcase it might be easier for you to find your way.
You say we have so much potential
And I tell you to be careful.
Because if you continue to be this person,
I might fall for you.
And you tell me that you’ve already fallen for me.
And now, on nights you do not hold me, I like to run my fingers over the broken cracks in my wall.
Feel the indents shouting into my ear,
“You are in too deep,
You are in so deep.
But you cannot stop now.”

You see,
I talk constantly.
I talk too much.
I talk too loudly.
I’m talking, talking, talking right now.
But sometimes,
I struggle to listen.
You said you wished we could just do this.
Throw caution to the wind,
But you have too many issues to sort out.
And you would hate to ruin such a good thing that we could have.
So instead,
let’s not and say we did.
And that’s the stab,
That’s the blow that had me doubling over,
Feeling like I might lose my breakfast.
You see, almost somethings hurt more than failed relationships
Because now we’ll never really know
what could have been.
How we could have shared so much,
In such little time,
Become so intertwined.
Never become attached to something that isn’t mine.
That is what I will not let myself forget,
etched now into my mind.
And I’m lying to myself when I say that I wouldn’t wait for you.
That if you called me tonight
And said,
I cannot do without you,
I would fold like a deck of cards straight into your arms.
But for now I will listen to Etta James,
And so stereotypically,
Broken-heartedly pine.
Because though I know what my mother said
and it will only lead to a stomach ache,
there’s really nothing I can do but cry. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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