1. What if this is my last first date ever?! *heart flutters*
2. WAIT, I CAN’T HANDLE THAT KIND OF PRESSURE!!!
3. No. No. No. I’m not ready for marriage. I’m so young! I have so much of the world to see! I can’t realistically take on a lifetime commitment at this point in time!
4. Wtf do I wear? Seriously. This is giving me so much anxiety, I might just cancel.
5. Yeah, I’m gonna cancel. I can’t do this. Maybe I should just call it a day and get some cats and accept this new path.
6. How many cats can someone own?
7. Is there a legal limit on cats?
8. No! I like this person! I want to see them and maybe get a cat with them.
9. Not anytime soon though. They might even be allergic. I’m more of a dog person anyways, so it’s ok.
10. Speaking of cats, I probably should have waxed my own kitty.
11. No, this is better. It’s like I have some self-imposed chastity belt on that will prevent me from going too fast!
12. WHY SHOULD MY BODY’S NATURAL STATE BE SOMETHING I FEEL ASHAMED OF?!?
13. If you plan to marry me, you should accept me even in all my unshaven glory.
14. But…like, I’m not saying I’m even close to being ready for marriage, OK? I’m not even ready to move in. I don’t even know if I want you to kiss me tonight!
15. OH NO. THE KISSSSSSSSSS.
16. FUCK, NOW ALL I’M GOING TO THINK ABOUT IS WHEN A KISS WILL OR WON’T HAPPEN.
17. GOD DAMMIT.
18. Should I drink something before going out to loosen up? What if I drink too much and then I’m just drunk?
19. I’ll take one shot and call an Uber.
20. Is that presumptuous? To take an Uber there?
21. I’m not saying I’m going home with you ok?
22. But like, I could?
23. I have heartburn from this anxiety.
24. What if I need to bail but then I can’t get out of it and it’s soooooo awkward and I’m just sitting there?
25. WHAT IF WE HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT?
26. There is a good possibility my tongue could swell up and I literally can’t talk!!!
27. *Googles “what happens when your tongue swells up”*
28. I’m not equipped to handle awkward silence and the waiters will look at us with those pity eyes. I AM CANCELING BECAUSE OF THOSE PITY EYES.
29. *phone dings* AHHH, A TEXT FROM THEM! ARE THEY CANCELING? ARE THEY EXCITED? OH IT’S JUST MY MOM, JK!
30. Okay, I can do this! People do this ALL the time! I will survive!
31. …what if I don’t survive?