1. You are 23 years of age. And you are confused as fuck.
2. You come to the sort of bleak realization that there is literally nothing special about being 23 except you’re 2 years away from being 25. That’s it.
3. You look at pictures of your 21st birthday and feel this strange sort of jealousy. “YEAH, YOU ENJOY THAT WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY! IT’S DOWNHILL NOW!!!”
4. People keep telling you this is your Michael Jordan year and you’re like, “Um, but that doesn’t really do anything for me? I’m not a jersey?”
5. You’re just starting to get a little too old to not understand how a 401(k) works or how to do taxes…but here you are, SCRATCHING YOUR DAMN HEAD!
6. Friendships are changing in a way that kind of upsets and excites you. You mourn the drifting apart from some high school/college friends that inevitably happens as you inch towards mid-late twenties, but you also celebrate the ones that have made it through.
7. Someone doesn’t card you for alcohol and you get irrationally upset. Yeah, cool, just go ahead and say, “Cute wrinkles, you old hag!”
8. People ask you about goals and plans for the future and you develop an ulcer on the spot.
9. You realize the question “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” is getting to be really important, but you have no idea what you’re even going to do for dinner.
10. You remind yourself at least you’re in one serious committed relationship that won’t end anytime soon! (Netflix)
11. You feel prouder than you should that you have your own Netflix account. LIKE, DO YOU NOT SEE I’M SPOUSE MATERIAL?!?
12. You become terrified of middle schoolers because they are so tiny and unnecessarily confident. 8th graders are the worst. “JUST WAIT UNTIL ADULTHOOD!” You shout…in your head.
13. You don’t understand casual dating. It’s not just hanging out in dorm rooms anymore. Now you have to ACTUALLY go…out? Meet up for drinks? When do things become exclusive? You have so many god damn questions.
14. *tries to open a jar and the lid won’t budge*
“CAN I LITERALLY DO NOTHING?!!?!?!?!?”
15. You curl up in the fetal position and cry a little bit. Just a little though.
16. You have a moment of random clarity and feel like everything is possible and wonderful AND YOU’RE GONNA BE FINE!
17. You realize you just had a huge ass coffee and that’s probably why you feel like you can conquer the world.
18. But hey!!!!! You’re 23! You’re young! You’re free! You’re caffeinated! You CAN conquer the world!!!
19. Another friend gets engaged and you’re like, “Hm. Cool.” And remember you’re wearing swimsuit bottoms for underwear. Killin’ it.
20. You listen to music for a little *inspiration* and then Blink 182 reminds you, “Nobody likes you when you’re 23.” Oh.
21. Whenever someone posts about how hashtag blessed they are at their new job, you want to throw your fork at them, but it’s your last clean fork, so you sulk instead.
22. You’re running out of shows to binge on and this causes a disgusting amount of anxiety.
23. You realize it’s okay. You’re 23 and confused as fuck. And guess what? That’s alright! Because really, who isn’t confused at 23? (OH COOL, YOU’RE FINE – WE GET IT!!!!)