19 Pick-Up Lines That Will Get You Laid Every Single Time

Listen, as self-proclaimed, incredibly lonely, perpetually single LOVE GURU EASTMAN, I like to really spread my extensive knowledge on romance and dating throughout the internet. I helped thousands of people find true love here, but what if you’re just looking for a night of passion? Well don’t worry, I’ve got you covered too. Happy Humping!
iStock / carton_king
iStock / carton_king

1. “Hey baby, is your name Chipotle??? Because, dayummmm, I crave you all the time, but feel sad and bloated afterwards.”

2. “Honey, being with me is like a roller coaster. There’s always the possibility you could throw up.”

3. “Girlllll, is your dad a baker? Because you strike me as someone with an overgrowth of yeast.”

4. “I’m incredibly lonely.”

5. “You’re slightly more attractive than my ex, and that’s DEFINITELY going to help my self-esteem.”

6. “Dating me is like my Instagram account. Nobody likes it.”

7. “My favorite position is doggy style. I will unconditionally love you forever, and lick you when we go for walks.”

8. “You’re a daydream dressed like a nightmare. Seriously, where are you shopping? Because it’s horrible.”

9. “I got a blank space for you. It’s my crotch.”

10. “I write for the internet.”

11. “Seriously, I’ll probably write about any interaction we have tonight on the internet.”

12. “California is in a serious drought, but I’ve got a heavy supply of tears we could drink.”

13. “You must be tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all night. But also, you just look tired. You might wanna invest in an eye cream.”

14. “Bae, you’re still sad about Zayn leaving One Direction? I’ve got One D for you right here.”

15. “How would you feel about five minutes of above average sex?”

16. “You look like my Grandma.”

17. “Is this Finding Nemo? Because you keep forgetting who I am.”

18. “They say I taste like Jimmy Dean sausage.”

19. “Hey, I’m 2 Chainz.” TC mark

For more ridiculousness, be sure to follow Love Guru Eastman on Facebook:


Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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  • http://lifeinarcadia.wordpress.com Life in Arcadia

    Haha the one direction joke too funny

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