Things I Wish I Could Tell 14 Year Old Me

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1. Stop whatever you’re doing right now. Walk into the kitchen, tear yourself off a piece of sourdough bread. Maybe eat some cake. Grab some cookies too, because eventually you’ll develop an allergy and have to go gluten-free so while you can, enjoy it for me. Seriously, eat all the god damn pink Safeway cookies you can.

2. Your choreographed dance routine to The Pussycat Doll’s “Don’t Cha” that you do alone in your room will weirdly come in handy years later. And to be clear, not in any sort of seduction way, but because you’ll break the “nobody is dancing, why is nobody dancing?” tension at parties when you start busting out your killer (awkward) moves.

3. You aren’t in love right now. You think you are. You think the way that boy makes you feel, so giddy, so light-headed, as if dreams were real and the real world is just a series of dreams. You’re infatuated, it’s true, but baby, this boy never even takes the time to look at you. That’s not love, but you won’t know that for a few years.

4. The gap in between your two front teeth is really not that big. People will point out flaws your entire life, so don’t let something as pure as your smile be something you try to hide.

5. When dad asks you to watch a movie, or go to the grocery store, or wants you to come track weather with him of some far off country because he’s kind of weird and he likes tracking weather, do it. Do it all. Because he’s the best father, and though I know you know that, you won’t know just how true that is until you’re speaking at his funeral in front of a crowd of high school kids who stare at you with sympathy in their eyes. You try to explain how it feels, how you sat back and watched someone you love die. But you can’t. Because you have forgotten how to speak, so you crawl into the arms of a boy and push aside your pain for as long as you can keep it away. It catches up eventually. All pain does, but please, don’t be afraid.

6. You’re going to have times when you feel lost. Lost even within a group of people you love the most. Lost and though you love to talk, your words will jumble and sometimes you’ll choke. You’ll feel like nobody sees you, stuck under Harry’s invisibility cloak. But the sun will shine and the birds will chirp. You’ll think corny thoughts like about the sun shining and birds chirping. Just do me a favor, and don’t lose hope.

7. I know you’re in a rush to grow up, but being an adult is scary. So don’t try to get there too fast because once it’s here, trust me when I say you’ll yearn for days of climbing trees. Kisses from Mom for your scraped up knees. Oh shit, gotta get home in time because Pokemon’s on at three. One, two, now you’re grown and wishing like a game of tag, you could freeze. Freeze those moments that seem so long ago. Enjoy being a kid. It might be the best you’ll ever know

8. You’ll come to realize regret has a funny after taste. You’ll try to chase it with some other emotion that goes down a little easier, but regret sticks with you and makes things a whole lot queasier than failure ever does

9. The asshole who makes you cry freshman year of high school later asks you out. And you turn him down. So let that thought dry your tears.

10. Your boobs don’t get much bigger. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, kiddo. You will hate your body for this. But one day, you stop. You realize it’s kind of dope that you don’t need to wear a bra. You start to love yourself, slowly, but surely.

11. Make some mistakes. It’s how you learn. Just know it’s never too late. You just have to ask for help. Sometimes, that takes the most strength.

12. You’re a good kid. You love people. And it’s not some act, not some gimmick. Your heart spills out onto the concrete with such ease, that you wonder if it’s something wrong. But it is not wrong to love loving. People will try to break that, but baby, you’re unbreakable.

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