I Don’t Want To Let You Go

You are every Sam Smith song to me.
Wishing
you would just stay.
You ask me
to stay.
And I’ve decided I want to.

I have tried to let you go,
but tried in that half-assed way I’ve often skated by with.
High school essays,
The bare minimum to keep surviving.
If I truly tried to cut the string,
let gravity naturally swing you away,
I could do it.

But if I’m being honest with myself,
I’m not going to try.

Not even a little.

I have spent my sleepless nights wondering if this thing between us,
This connection,
The part of your brain that you say thinks of me
all the time
that you cannot find a word for,
I am president of all that grey matter.
Maybe,
This thing is worth holding onto.

I have always known down deep what was good for me
and what wasn’t.
I have seen the writing on the wall
in every relationship,
every kick in the gut,
tears for no reason I could vocalize.
Because I have always known
how things would end.
And they always did
end.

But with us,
just two weird souls finding comfort in the absurdity of one another,
spilling secrets
and then jokes to stop the bleeding,
with us,
I do not see an end.

You and I,
damaged goofballs,
laughing until 3 am.
My smile is your life jacket
and your dimples guide me to shore.

You say,
“You make me very happy.”
I say,
“Back at you, kid.”

Maybe there is no end here.

Because this thing between us hasn’t even started.

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