He Tells Me I’m A Nice Girl

Holly Lay
Holly Lay

He says I’m a nice girl as I kiss his bleeding knuckles.
He pulls me inside with him and says I am the best person he knows.
I ask if he will ever love me the way I love him
Maybe,
And I take it.
I am hungry for whatever scraps he gives up.
It has been so long,
I have forgotten I know how to feed myself.

I go home.
I pour myself an entire bottle of rum because a nice girl would go to sleep instead.
I only take two sips.

He tells me I have the purest heart.
I am kind.
I am good.
And my laugh is his favorite sound.
I am so much of what he wants,
he says.
I hear, “Yes, I’m going to love you like that one day.”
I start to drive to his apartment.
I text, “Do you want me to come over?”

He tells me no.
He tells me I’m a nice girl.
He tells me to go home.
He tells me I am better than this.

I am not better than this.
I pour myself another glass.
I am a nice girl,
So I drink it all. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

Related

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.somethinggblue.wordpress.com N

    Reblogged this on Hope and commented:
    again, beautifully written.

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/ari-eastman/2015/01/i-wasnt-always-such-a-fck-up/ I Wasn’t Always Such A F*ck Up | Thought Catalog

    […] this: 14 Surprising Ways Life Actually Gets Better After 25 Read this: He Tells Me I’m A Nice Girl Read this: The Ones We Try So Hard To Love Cataloged […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/ari-eastman/2015/01/8-reasons-being-awkward-is-the-new-sexy/ 8 Reasons Being Awkward Is The New Sexy | Thought Catalog

    […] this: 14 Surprising Ways Life Actually Gets Better After 25 Read this: He Tells Me I’m A Nice Girl Read this: The Ones We Try So Hard To Love Cataloged […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/ari-eastman/2015/01/i-got-drunk-and-decided-to-dye-my-hair-on-camera/ I Got Drunk And Decided To Dye My Hair On Camera | Thought Catalog

    […] this: 14 Surprising Ways Life Actually Gets Better After 25 Read this: He Tells Me I’m A Nice Girl Read this: The Ones We Try So Hard To Love Cataloged […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/ari-eastman/2015/01/i-have-bipolar-disorder-and-thats-okay/ I Have Bipolar Disorder (And That’s Okay) | Thought Catalog

    […] this: 14 Surprising Ways Life Actually Gets Better After 25 Read this: He Tells Me I’m A Nice Girl Read this: What It Means To Date A Girl Without A Father Cataloged […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/ari-eastman/2015/01/i-have-bipolar-disorder-and-thats-okay/ I Have Bipolar Disorder (And That’s Okay) | Thought Catalog

    […] this: 14 Surprising Ways Life Actually Gets Better After 25 Read this: He Tells Me I’m A Nice Girl Read this: What It Means To Date A Girl Without A Father Cataloged […]

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/ari-eastman/2015/01/i-like-you-more-than-words/ I Like You More Than Words | Thought Catalog

    […] this: 14 Surprising Ways Life Actually Gets Better After 25 Read this: He Tells Me I’m A Nice Girl Read this: What It Means To Date A Girl Without A Father Cataloged […]

blog comments powered by Disqus