22 Bizarre Thoughts You Suddenly Start Having When You Turn 22

Girls
Girls

1. “I have a burning desire to curl up and cry in the fetal position for a solid three hours.”

2. “I wonder if I can remember my Neopets account password.”

3. “Are all my Neopets dead now? Omg. I’m a monster.”

4. “I don’t have a job, but really toying with the idea of getting a dog.”

5. “How much do dogs cost on average per year?”

6. *googles price of caring for a pet*
“Oh my god, I can’t get a dog.”

7. “I’m definitely in my DILF/MILF phase right now. Thinking of going to the grocery store just to see some good looking middle-aged folks. The salt-n-pepa babe who always buys Kale is my favorite.”

8. “Can I put crushing loneliness and using the word bae a lot under additional skills on my resume?”

9. “I’ll hold off on doing laundry just yet because I still have swim suit bottoms I can wear.”

10. “Okay, but like, is this really expired?”

11. *tax season*
“Am I a dependent? Wait, exemptions? Withholdings? ASSETS? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?”

12. “How many eggs do I have left?”

13. “I wonder how much I could get paid for sperm donations…Could it be a full-time job? Cause like, hell yeah.”

14. “Should I start using anti-wrinkle cream? Omg. Is that a grey hair?!”

15.Friends is two decades old. That causes me more anxiety than it should.”

16. “I am insanely jealous of Grumpy Cat.”

17. “Is there a way to make babysitting sound like three years in the professional work place for this job application?”

18. “Maaaybe instead of paying my loans back with money, I can ask the loan people if I can mow their lawns from now until eternity.”

19. “Can I go back and have college be forever?”

20. “If I died a sudden, tragic death right now, what would people say about me? What have I done in life?”

21. “Can I put Netflix as experience? Not like, I worked at the company, just a definite fan.”

22. “I think I might be #4everalone. Also, when will I be too old for hashtags? I should stop now, huh?” TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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