13 Brutal Realities Of Having A Super Hot Mom

Gilmore Girls
Gilmore Girls

1. Your fists clench whenever someone says MILF

The amount of times she will be referred to as a MILF will actually cause a spike in your blood pressure. Dude, I know that she’s hot, but she’s still my mother. You can claim you’re just joking around, but I know if my mom suddenly said she was interested, you would indeed F my M. This is not a mental image any daughter needs. Ever.

2. You feel a special kinship with Blue Ivy

Giiiiirl, I can’t even imagine growing up with Queen Bey as the blueprint. I’m not saying she isn’t going to do a kick-ass job in motherhood, but NOBODY except Beyonce wakes up like dat. Flawless. Blue, call when you get older and we can vent.

3. You have an irrational fear of introducing her to your significant other

Obviously, you KNOW your mother isn’t going to take off with your new beau, but this doesn’t stop you from occasionally waking up in a cold sweat from a nightmare that your lover discovers his true feelings are for your mama.

4. Her closet is your closet, and vice versa

You’ve got double the clothing options, and if you share similar taste, can give each other (sometimes unsolicited) fashion advice, and ACTUALLY use it. Though I will warn you, you will probably run into that moment when your mom looks way better in something you own than you do. Ouch, just keep it, Ma.

5. Everybody thinks she’s your sister

“Oh my god, it must be SO awesome having such a cool sister!” Yeah, I’m sure it would be. But she’s not my sister…It also begs the question, does your mom just look really young or are you a sad, wrinkled hag at the ripe ol’ age of 22? Let’s go with the former, shall we?

6. Aging bodes well for you

There’s a super generic saying that goes, “If you want to see your wife in 20 years, look at her mother.” Okay, so not really sure how scientifically sound that is, but it’s a reassuring thought to have. When you have a youthful looking mother, genetics are probably going to play in your favor when it comes to aging.

7. You felt bad for Stacy in “Stacy’s Mom”

Remember that super upbeat, popular Fountains of Wayne tune amped up, hormonal middle-schoolers would blast? Everyone thought it was such a fun little song to sing, but it secretly made you feel low-key depressed. What’s wrong with Stacy?!? C’mon man, give her a chance!

8. You can go out to bars with her

This has pros and cons. Pro: she can wing woman you, and it doesn’t seem forced or awkward. You just look like two gal pals hitting the town. Con: This may backfire, and the prospect she has found for you is more interested in chatting her up.

9. Your friends love her

Every now and then, in a moment of pure insecurity, you’ve wondered if the reason your friends love hanging out at your house so much is because of your mom, not you. And honestly, even if it is, so what? Your mom is the shit. You should be proud of having the parent everyone wishes they had.

10. She looks better in photos

She’s this glowing, angelic creature with no bad side or angle. Meanwhile, you look at a picture someone has taken of you, and promptly ask for another one, “But this time, can you stand up and point the camera down a little? Thank youuuuu!”

11. You develop a sense of humor

When people constantly talk about your sexy mama (ew, I will never say that again), you quickly learn the right witty responses. You’ve crafted the perfected jokes and ways to get the conversation back on track to something else….anything else. I bet you there are some comedians out there who had hottie tottie mommies (ew, again, never again).

12. You’re used to people staring

Not at you, at her. Everybody is staring at her. And you’re just like, “Hey, what’s up, over here! Hi! Hi!”

13. She gives you hope

Growing up is, quite honestly, terrifying. We hit this moment when suddenly, birthdays aren’t all glitter and presents, but instead, a gnawing realization that time moves so, so quickly. But when you have a hot mom (not just physically), you’re reminded that you are only as old as you feel. You will never outgrow dancing like a fool, loving fearlessly, and laughing hysterically for no real reason. And when you see your incredibly vivacious mother killin’ the game better than some of your 20-something year old friends, you know that life doesn’t have to slow down with age. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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