1. You dress like a slob.
The kind of girl that wakes up at 5am to straighten her hair and preps herself the night before, picking out a chic and effortless outfit is NOT me at all. For the girls that manage to do this, you are impeccable! I wake up maybe half an hour before I need to catch the train. Schedule: brush teeth (10 min), and shower and/or lotion (15 min). I love to sniff myself at random throughout the day, especially when it’s that gingerbread or cookie scented body butter from bath and body works. My outfit is a mash-up of clothes, simple color coordinated whites and blues or if I’m psyched bold colors paired with black. My signature item is ALWAYS my boots with tiny studs or some kind of sharp dangly earrings. I like dressing a little edgy because I’m insecure and the tiny touch up makes me feel like a boss. Sometimes it works. Most of the time, a tag is sticking out or I’ll have my right shoe on my left foot. I’m usually one step short from being a hot mess.
2. You don’t like sports…much.
I love to play sports, holy hell yes, like competitive badminton, indoor soccer, volleyball, and hockey. I like feeling the adrenaline pumping through and knowing I am stronger than I was yesterday. I like to fight; I like to kickbox and do martial arts because I want to lose the polite act for a few hours and kick some actual ass for a change. Winning is always a pleasure, but I don’t let it consume me. You bet I am a sore loser, but at the same time I know when to let go. I like watching sports too — football and soccer for seeing sexy men roughing it out on screen with sweaty faces and abs. It’s like watching a Calvin Klein male underwear model show, but better because you can see those muscles in action. Of course, the game is important too — who am I kidding, it’s more of an afterthought. Don’t expect me to be all up in your face about “Lebron’s loss” or keep a track record of the team for the last several years. Actually I’m surprised I even remembered Lebron was a basketball player!
3. You’re sensitive.
My eyes burn into slits when angry, simmer with tears when in despair, and light up when excited. My body is an extension of my emotions. I used to minimize what I feel. A woman who cries or confides her feelings to a guy — you know what I’m talking about ladies — is either high maintenance, “clingy” (god I hate that word) or is PMSing. But when you bottle it up until it explodes, what’s next? You feel ashamed and guilty. You feel judged or condemned for letting something small turn into a huge drama. What’s the point? I am an emotional person and I always will be. If it’s going to come out anyway, I might as well let him know in advance so he knows what bombs to avoid. If you aren’t happy, say something. SAY it, voice your complaint early on so you don’t become that “clingy girl.” She’s only clingy because she suppressed it until it blew up in her face. It’s a lot of emotion to throw at someone. If he can’t handle it early on and insists you are being high maintenance, he’s not worth your time. I’d rather be happy with myself than be with someone who sucks my soul and energy from my body. I don’t want to pretend I am not emotional — it gets draining, and in the long term when you do blow up at him, he blames you.
4. You are a romantic.
Sure I love to read comic books and anime as much as the next guy, but I focus on romance. I like to read romance novels and daydream about the man of my dreams. I am an old soul type as opposed to roses and chocolate. I look for real love, the kind that creeps towards your heart and caresses it. I’m fond of intimacy through gestures such as stroking my hair or rubbing the nape of my neck. It’s not wrong to want it, to value it. Like every other person, I want to feel loved and cared for unconditionally. How is this a crime? It shouldn’t be dubbed as having high standards either. Do I understand that not every guy is going to step right out of a fairytale and suddenly become the “man of my dreams”? Yes, I do. I am willing to compromise, but I am NOT willing to be mocked for having these thoughts.
5. You are forward; a modern woman.
Some men like to dub me sexually aggressive, a feminist, or “easy” — another word I hate. I’m not flaunting my sexuality. I embrace it. When interested or attracted to someone, I ask a guy out for coffee. Times have changed and both men and women should be able to ask each other out. There is no rule set in stone that the guy has to ask a girl out is there. Usually, I ask him for coffee to set the ball rolling. If he’s interested, he would toss it back and play. A cup of coffee does not mean I’m asking him for sex or marriage. It is what it is; a date and nothing more.
6. You are opinionated.
I like to think, read, and argue. Women have brains. Men have brains. We share similar morphology in cortex, but that does not mean I will agree with everything another guy or girl says. I love to debate, to discuss, and banter as it makes for an interesting discussion. A cool girl is a man’s fantasy. She doesn’t care for emotions, is one of the guys, and seems to agree with everything he says including his jokes. The guys tout her as low maintenance. She becomes the standard we strive for but she shouldn’t be. Where is her own identity? Where are her likes and dislikes? I don’t plan on laughing unless his jokes are funny. I used to do that; I used to smile at banal jokes just to appease him. I used to nod my head under the pretense that I will not undermine his feelings or perspective. But what about myself? What about you? Where has the self-esteem gone? You’ll just end up destroying yourself for the sake of putting someone’s ego on a pedestal.
7. You are insecure and afraid.
If I wear sharp dangly earrings or a pair of boots to boost my confidence, you can be sure I have many other fears. I am afraid of being too vulnerable or exposed to a guy. I used to think I’d rather have the guy see me in my birthday suit than see my soul and all of its emotional scarring. I used to hide my scars along with my personality and, because of that, I nearly lost myself. These scars are what makes me human. I am myself because of these fears. They say no two people are alike. So far, I have not met a woman with a phobia of escalators and spiders. I have not met someone who fears heights and swimming to the point that their heart starts palpitating. I have not yet met someone who is insecure about the paleness of her legs or the shape of her stubby toes on her feet. I HAVE, however, met people who share some of these fears with me. However, my combination of insecurities and phobias are not equal to theirs. We are different. Our individualities should be expressed, not suppressed.
This cool girl in comparison to me doesn’t seem all that. She seems boring and lifeless. Because that’s exactly what she is: a fantasy or a standard, but not real.
You are unique, so own up to it and live your life freely.