A Reminder That Every Day I Will Choose You

@tmkampa

I am overwhelmed by all the emotions that are coming in; all of these are new to me. But among all those things, what I most want you to know now is how grateful I am for having you.

The very first night that I heard your voice, it was the fastest 4 hours of my life. I used to hate phone calls, but I love our late night conversations about the silliest things. I used to hate long messages, but I love reading in the morning the texts that you’ve sent the night before. I used to hate hanging out for hours, but I love our stroll on the streets and simply sitting next to one another. I used to hate going out because I’ve always preferred to sleep, but it’s now going home that I hate because I won’t get to see you any longer. I used to hate clinging, but now I hate getting separated from you.

There are a lot of things that I love doing now because I’m doing them with you. And hate is now replaced by love ever since I’ve heard that word from you.

You don’t have to get me the loveliest things or buy me expensive gifts; I just want you to be there for me. You don’t have to take me to a fancy restaurant, a pizza delivery while watching Netflix will be just as perfect. It doesn’t always have to be a dinner on a Saturday night; it can just be a Big Mac on a sunny Sunday afternoon or a brunch at an old diner on a rainy Monday.

There are a lot of things I wish to do with you. I want to lie down on your lap while reading my favorite novel and you’re watching basketball. To give you a lot of back hugs and moral support while you cook breakfast because I can’t be of any help otherwise. To be the first person you tell your accomplishments to. To be the one you’ll cry on when something disappoints you. I know things won’t always go my way or yours but I hope we’ll both understand that some shits just happen.

I know it won’t always be a good day. There are going to be fights and arguments, there’s going to be things that we’ll have different opinions about, and we’ll say words that will hurt each other but we don’t really mean it. But among all the disagreements, I hope we’ll always choose to stay, we’ll always choose to love.

Honestly, I don’t know if I want to spend a lifetime with you but what I’m sure now is that I want to live each day with you. I want to laugh with you about all the funny stories you have yet to tell, to cry with you when A Walk to Remember plays on TV, to talk to you until the wee hours and you’re vulnerable, to sit in silence and just enjoy each other’s presence.

I cannot even express with words how ardently I love you.

You don’t make my heart beat fast like the lead male character on my favorite chick flick; you don’t even give me butterflies in my stomach. But you make my heart beat so slow I think it would stop, you bring chills down to my spine and it enters deep through my bones. You make me feel alive. I look at you every day and it still surprises me how can a person just stand there, do nothing, and yet I can feel all sorts of emotions at once. I wanted to let you know, I am astounded by your very existence. I don’t know how to thank God enough that I get to meet such an incredible person.

You’re not perfect, but you don’t have to be because you already are perfect for me.

If you don’t already know by now then allow me to tell you, I love you. Not just the good and the best parts of you but all of you. I know this is going to be a rough ride but I want to do it because I get to be with you.

Love doesn’t come easy and so we’re going to have to work on this together. Amidst all of the things we’ve fought about arguments we have yet to have, I can only promise just one thing, I’ll choose you. Every day, I’ll choose you. TC mark

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You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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