He said, “Arabelle, I need a break.” I smiled and replied, “Great! Just what I needed. I was beginning to think why you didn’t ask for this earlier.”
A lazy winter afternoon led to this conversation and ended up making me liberated. Breakups aren’t all bad. Some relationships, when they end, bring forth a sense of unparalleled freedom, inexplicable mirth and an easy closure to a bond with someone you were never supposed to be with in the first place.
When I started dating him back in July,2013, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I felt loved, desired, cherished, pampered and wanted in every way. I never knew what love was until it knocked on my door via a simple message on Facebook. We began talking and soon after that I moved to a new city.
When he asked me out, I said yes immediately, for I had already fallen for him a long time back. His knowledge about the Dickensian era, his love for Elvis classics, and his charming Victorian mannerisms had worked their magic a long time back.
What happened then? Why did we drift apart? Why did I enjoy the company of my friends more than I enjoyed his? Why did I start ignoring his calls and texts and replied perfunctorily only when it was very necessary?
Not many months into the relationship, I began to think that what I felt for him was mere infatuation, maybe. He, on the other hand, fell in love with me, gradually at first and then a bit too suddenly for me to stop him. I never wanted to hurt him but I was not left with a better choice.
He had started being very possessive of me. His constant need to know my whereabouts, his tongue-in-cheek humour, sarcastic comments, despise for people beneath his intellectual echelon- all left me annoyed after each conversation. Every guy that I talked to became a source of his envy, each girl that I hung out with had to know about him, secrets had to be divulged about each person in my family. A relationship into which I had entered by choice, was restricting my freedom in all possible ways. I became claustrophobic.
I had no issues with commitment; however, his love for excess emotional drama left me gasping for breath! I felt like I was trapped in a water tank and could not breathe. I found solace in the comforting words of a friend who lived 500 miles away.
My friend’s attention, his confidence in me, his ability to listen to what I had to say without butting in with lame jokes made me happy. I began talking to him knowing that I was ready for a romantic investment that would lead to cheating on my boyfriend.
And cheat on him, I did.
I found cheating to be more justified and easy than being in a relationship that made me feel bad about myself. Do I have any regrets about what happened? No. Do I think We could have made it work despite all the odds? I don’t know. But, what I do know is the fact that I am happy that I did cheat on him and now, I am indeed in love.