Toys R Us had it right after all.
“I don’t wanna grow up.”
Who does? Thanks to Jeffrey the giraffe, we were all reminded that growing up kinda sucks. When you’re a kid, your biggest life choices include whether to have the pudding cup or the animal crackers for snack and which set of pajamas you’re wearing to bed. You have little responsibility and are encouraged to get outside and play.
Once you enter adulthood, everything changes. No one is treating you with kid gloves. The days of patience and sympathy are gone. It’s time to put on your big girl panties (or big boy boxers, if the case were) and tackle the world of adulthood. Even if you don’t wanna.
But how do you know when you’ve officially become an adult? Is it when you turn 18? 21? When you buy your first home or land your first job? If you’re still confused as to whether or not you need to start acting your age (whatever the F that means), check out these signs that you’re officially an adult and there’s no going back.
1. You drop some serious ching at Home Goods instead of Gamestop.
Remember that time you got your first paycheck? When your boss handed you that envelope with your name on it and you stared at it for a solid three minutes before ripping it open to find your full name typed out with a three digit figure next to it? You couldn’t get to the bank fast enough to cash that puppy. And then just as quickly go blow it on video games. When you’re an adult, an indulgence is defined as new guest towels for the bathroom or wall decor for your living room.
Now, your paycheck goes to more important things like the electric bill, your rent, and groceries. Speaking of groceries…
2. You own actual food.
Your shelves are no longer stocked with Ramen noodles and cereal. When you open your fridge you find more than beer and mayonnaise. You actually own groceries. You even write a shopping list. And when you’re a serious adult, that list is organized based on the aisles at your local supermarket. I know, it sounds insane. Impossible, even. But it’s true! You might even start clipping coupons and cooking. All of these things are signs of full-on adulting.
3. You start saving important documents.
How old were you when you finally memorized your social security number? How about your bank account number? Wait, did you even have a bank account? Once you actually realize that some documents are important enough to save, you’re on the road to adulthood. Once you actually start saving said documents, well then, you’re already there. Whether it’s your social security card, passport, bank statements or pay stubs you should invest in a file cabinet or safe where you keep these important documents. Other things will likely collect there as well, like insurance policy information and jewelry or other valuables. No, your Marvel figurines don’t count.
4. You enjoy cheese that doesn’t come from a can.
You didn’t think it was possible, did you? They actually do make cheese that doesn’t require a nozzle and isn’t squeezed directly into your mouth. In fact, there are thousands of delicious gourmet cheeses just waiting to be discovered. From baked brie and gouda to sharp cheddar and fruit cheeses, your mind will be blown by the possibilities. You may need to invest in a cheese knife and cutting board, though.
5. You realize the mailman delivers bills not letters.
When you’re a kid, the mailman brought a handful of things you cared about. Number one being the JCPenney toy catalog about two months before Christmas. Your grandmother’s birthday card with the standard $10 in it came in at a close second. I remember asking my mom if the mailman had delivered any letters today. When you become an adult, you quickly realize that the mailman delivers one thing and one thing only. Bills. And lots of ‘em.
6. Your wine comes in a bottle, not a box.
Similar to your revelation over cheese not in a can, as an adult you’ll discover that wine actually does come in bottles, not just boxes (or bags). And yes, there are many different types of wines. In fact, some of those wines are paired with certain foods, including cheese. Not the canned variety.
7. Your idea of fun is a quiet evening at home.
What once was your prime time to party has now become your bedtime. You used to take power naps at 5:00 p.m. so you’d be ready to drink and party when the Uber arrived at 10:00 p.m. Now, naps are taken in the mid-afternoon after a big lunch and some light reading. And 5:00 p.m. means dinner and by 10:00 p.m. you’re already in your second REM cycle. You might even find yourself saying things like, “I just don’t party the way I used to.”
8. You surprise yourself.
The last sign that you are truly and officially an adult is when you start behaving in a way that surprises even you. Are you arriving on time for work? Do you talk your friends out of doing stupid stuff? Do you have clean laundry? Does your car have more than half a tank of gas? Holy crap! You’re actually acting responsibly. You’ve discovered that there are consequences to your behavior and certain, social expectations you need to meet. When you have the “ah ha” moment where you stop in the mirror, look closely at the person staring back and ask the question “Is this really me?”, it’s all over.
Welcome to adulthood.