More likely than not, you are not our husband, fiancé, or boyfriend asking us for these photos. You are some random who we are in a complicated modern relationship with. Why should we give these to you?
1. What are you going to do with them? We already have sex with you, is that not enough? I’ll be over tomorrow night, is that not enough? You are coming off as a pig and possible sex addict.
2. We do not know where these photos will end up. The interwebs is a scary place. Once a photo is taken on your phone, somebody besides its intended viewer can access it. Not to mention that you may accidentally send it to someone. Or accidentally post it to social media.
3. We do not want your friends looking at it. If we are submitting ourselves to you in this pornographic manner, then it is for your benefit, not your bros.
4. We do not want you to still look at it after we’ve broken up. If you upset me enough for me to move on from you, there is no reason why you should still be getting boners from my hoo-has on a screen. A break up is me taking myself back from you.
5. What if you completely flip one day because we made you upset? Are you going to widely distribute these photos because of this? These are the things we’re afraid of.
6. We do not know if you’re getting nudes from anyone else. And the uncertainty of that makes us feel inadequate. Girls want to feel special.
7. We want you to respect us with our clothes on. We want you to see our beauty through our personality and accomplishments. Seeing us naked and enjoying our bodies is a special treat — as in, only deserved when we come to see you or when you pick us up for a date. If our tits are always conveniently snugged away in your pocket, they become less special.
8. Taking a photo is hard. We live busy lives. Between work, pretending to exercise, and Netflix, we do not have time to take fifty pictures of ourselves until we find a photo on that perfect border of cute-enough-for-me-to-like and slutty-enough-for-you-to-be-complacent. Once we do that, then we have to Photoshop the mole off of our butt so that you do not go looking for it next time you see us. It’s too long of a process.
9. The old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Sending pictures brings us further and further away from you committing to us. If I act like a girlfriend without you working for it, then you’ll think I’m not worthy of the girlfriend title. We have to keep it (somewhat) classy until you actually deserve our freakiness.
10. We’re not fixated on our anatomical parts like you are. We don’t mindlessly rest our hands in our pants and play with ourselves on a tri-daily basis. Adjusting ourselves for a photo is odd. Staring at our boobs, behind or Pikachu long enough to find a great picture is an annoying time waster. It does nothing for us like the egocentricities contained in your penis does for you.
Girls are constantly on a search for security and stability. If you care for us so much, then commit to us. Not quite excited for marriage? Cool. Ask me to be your girlfriend. Let me know that I am the only one you are talking to at this moment.
If you are committed to me, then by all means, ask away and I shall think twice about getting upset. If commitment is involved then there’s a ninety percent chance that you’ll get your nude photo, possibly without even having to ask. But if you are out here floating around like a bump on a log, then you have no reason to get mad when I tell you to get the hell away from me you creep.