In celebration of my 18th year with this name.
1. The first thing people ask you when you introduce yourself is, “Were you born in April?”
2. If you say yes (which is likely), the second thing people ask you when you introduce yourself is, “Is that why your parents named you April?”
3. You don’t actually know why your parents named you April, but you feel like you have to give them an answer so you say, “Probably”.
4. Growing up as a child, you’ve had students turn to snicker at you whenever your name is mentioned as part of an important date.
5. In fact, that does still happen now.
6. People think that you and the month are interchangeable and often find amusement in swapping the two. E.g. “My anniversary is on the 12th of you.”
7. You’re too polite to tell them that: things just don’t work that way…
8. Every month, year and season-related joke has lost its hilarity, including the infamous: “Can February March? No, but April May.” (I mean, come on. That has got to be the laziest joke ever, apart from “Because 7 8 9”.)
9. You’ve probably had tons of practice politely fake-laughing, that you’re now a pro at making people feel like they have a decent sense of humour.
10. Every April Fools’ Day is a shit show.
11. The entire month of April is a shit show.
12. When it’s finally May, you enter the room and get told that you’re “late”.
13. You have the luxury of your name (almost) never being misspelled on Starbucks coffee cups.
14. Your name gets its own different spelling and pronunciation in every language! (This one, I’m actually excited about.)
15. People often remember your birthday. Or at least, the month in which you were born.
16. Common Tinder pick-up lines include: “You’ll never guess my favourite month!” “Spring came early.” “Santa came early.” And the occasional “I was born in you.”
17. No matter how creative and original people think they are with their jokes, you’ve heard them all before. Nothing can surprise you.
18. Although it comes with its nuisances, you can’t imagine being named anything else. Because you actually live up to your name, and feel like no single word can even attempt to sum you up any better.