How To Stay Friends With Your Ex

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Flickr/Jochen Spalding

Are you friends with your exes? No, really; are you friends with your exes? I’m not asking if you occasionally grab a drink with your ex while trying to make them jealous because you’re seeing someone new. I’m asking if you talk to them the way you talk to your other friends.

For sure, there are some exes you can’t befriend because they won’t let you – the exes who trash talk your new boyfriend or girlfriend or the exes who constantly drunk text you “what you up to.” There’s the ex who brazenly tries to kiss you on the lips while you’re having coffee in the park.

But it can be done. Here’s how.

Forgive each other for past transgressions

Don’t be angry anymore because he was inattentive. Don’t hold onto the fact that she said you weren’t ambitious enough for her. You two are no longer in a relationship, so let the past go, because you can’t stay friends with someone you resent. Your deal breakers for a relationship don’t apply to friendships; you can still be friends even if you can’t be lovers.

No sex with your ex, ever

No kissing or heavy petting, either. If you have sex with your ex after you break up, you’re showing him or her that you are still willing to hook up with them after the relationship is over, muddying the line on whether or not the two of you are still kind of dating or just friends. Even when you’re wasted, remember that fucking your ex will inevitably create drama and unnecessary tension in your “friendship.” If you have sex with your ex, you two are not just friends.

Don’t exhibit jealousy

You can’t hope to maintain a friendship if you cut down your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend. First of all, people don’t like negativity, and secondly, they may believe you still have feelings for them, which will either make them want to get back together with you or cut you out completely to nip it at the bud. Even if you think your ex’s new boyfriend seems like someone who would really like “How I Met Your Mother,” just keep your mouth shut and be supportive – like a friend!

Maybe one day you can even write a book together. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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