For years I have struggled to look for happiness. I have tried looking for it in the people I love, in things that put a smile on their faces, in places that made people glow in the photos that they post. I have tried to search for real happiness in everything and everywhere I can think of, but I just couldn’t seem to locate it.
I looked for happiness because I grew tired of always having to put on a mask to cover what I truly feel inside. All the pain, insecurities, the thought of not being enough and being a disappointment made me sulk. I grew up to be a sad person because as you mature, you realize that the world can be a cruel place to live in, and it is, but you have to deal with it still.
Then you walked into my life and somehow managed to make the gloomy days brighter. You showed me that there’s always a silver lining to every dark cloud. You radiate positivity everywhere, you smile through all the bullshit life throws at you, and you always say that better things will come.
I now know what Derek Shepherd meant when he told Meredith Grey that she was like a breath of fresh air and that she saved him from drowning because you were my breath of fresh air. You saved me from the sadness and helped me find happiness in myself. You made me feel that I was enough and that I shouldn’t think of myself to be less than other people, because I matter too.
Your attitude towards life lifted me up. Your existence made things bearable. Somehow, you made my life better. You helped me realize that only I can make myself happy and that if I embrace my flaws, it would be easier for me to love and accept myself. That through self-love and acceptance, I will find happiness within me, and I did, and I still am uncovering all the happiness tucked inside of me. Thank you for helping me and for making me realize that I am enough and that I matter.