I’m Choosing To Love Myself Because You Couldn’t

Eli DeFaria
Eli DeFaria

I have been choosing you countless of times over everything, over my happiness, over my needs, and over myself because that was how I perceived love. That you had to prioritize the other person’s needs before your own. But clearly, I was blind about a lot of things.

I settled for your mediocrity when somebody else would have given me his best efforts. I robbed someone else the chance to make me happy because I kept choosing you. I chose you, but you didn’t and you will never choose me. I have always desired for you to choose me, I have always wanted it to be me. But then I realized that if you really wanted to, I shouldn’t have to beg for it, I don’t want to be like Meredith Grey where she asks Derek Shepherd to pick her, to love her, to choose her over his wife.

Yes, I do love you, a whole damn lot. I love you more than you could ever imagine and words are not enough to express my love for you but I am no longer happy choosing you. We’ve had better days but I’ve had enough nights in which I’d cry myself to sleep wondering if you’ll ever pick me. I’ve had enough of the days where I’d zone out during my classes because I keep asking myself if you’d ever choose me.

I shouldn’t be second guessing, because if you really do love me, you wouldn’t hesitate to choose me. So, this is me walking away from your hesitations. This is me choosing myself because I know I deserve better. This is me choosing my happiness and my needs over yours. What we had was magical, it was pretty much everything I had ever wanted. I had invested my life in it thinking that it would actually work.

You never choosing me was enough reason for me to realize that I was the only one trying and that everything was in chaos. I am choosing myself because I deserve to be happy. I am choosing myself because I deserve so much more than what you are giving me.

I am choosing myself because I have given you my best but you still hesitated to pick me. Of course, you will always have this special place in my heart, and I will always hold our memories dearly. But I am done choosing you, and I will no longer choose you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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