If Adam and Eve really were the first humans, Eve has done womankind a serious disservice. I don’t care what anyone says, no apple could be worth all the crap we’re forced to deal with, especially our periods. Once a month we’re forced to put up with our own personal form of torture, a torture that no man will ever understand, no matter what they say.
Stabbing pains in our abdomens, backache, and moodiness are the least of our worries when suddenly life’s too much for us to handle. We consume more chocolate than should be humanly possible, and waste what feels like a lifetime moping around in our pajamas because period cramps are actually the worst thing ever.
That’s why I think we’re justified in taking advantage of our crappy circumstances to make our periods a little less sucky.
1. Chucking a ‘sicky’
Let’s be honest, why would we go to work when we are “legitimately” sick? We may as well just accept that we’ll never be able to concentrate or do anything remotely useful. So next time we call in sick just accept that we’re basically doing you a favour #sorrynotsorry.
2. Staying in bed all day
If we’re going to be home anyway what’s the harm in being a little on the lazy side? There’s really no harm in succumbing to the comfort of our beds when the real world is just too much to handle, besides how often do we get a free stay-in-bed card?
3. Being moody as hell
PMS is a bitch, there’s no denying it, there’s also no way around it. So deal with it. During our monthly periods of PMS please don’t expect us to be reasonable, or polite, because it’s not going to happen.
4. Scoffing down the last slice of pizza
We’re hungry and moody, it’s not a good combination, and it’s not going to be a pretty sight. This is the one time of the month we can eat whatever we want and not have to feel guilty about it. We take extreme pleasure from this and we certainly won’t apologise for it.
5. Skipping the gym
Yes, we are aware science proves exercise is an effective way to relieve period pain, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to listen, or care. We get immense pleasure locking ourselves behind closed doors toying with the idea of becoming introverts, even if it’s just for a day. Going to the gym ruins this solitude, and means getting out of bed which we really just don’t want to do.