1. The sun.
When the sun is out, the whole world may as well be frozen over—the outdoors have become incredibly dangerous. Outside, skin cancer, sun spots, and two-minute sunburns await. Inside is definitely safest.
2. We stand out like the vampires in Twilight.
Yes, life for us is as humiliating as Stephenie Meyers’ vampires, who sparkle in the sunlight. Pale girls can’t hide in a crowd because our chalky complexions don’t exactly blend with the tanned masses. We are forever doomed to be the outcasts who go into hibernation when it’s nice out.
3. Dark hair makes us look like Wednesday Addams.
If you remember The Addams Family, you’ll remember pale-skinned, dark-haired Wednesday Addams. Despite her pretty face, having dark hair doesn’t do her any favors. For pale girls, dark hair washes out our faces immediately. High maintenance blonde hair seems to be our destiny.
4. Fake tan makes us look like Oompa Loompas.
Those lucky enough to have a natural glow can pull off fake tan easy. It enhances their natural color. For pale girls, fake tan on pale skin leaves smudges of bright orange color that makes us look like we belong in a Willy Wonka factory.
5. We feel like human glowsticks.
At the club, our skin literally glows under the blacklights the way most peoples white shoes and shirts do. It’s not attractive.
6. Sunscreen is both our best friend and worst enemy
Pale girls can’t live with sunscreen, but we can’t live without it. That’s our curse.