10 Signs Your Partying Days Are Behind You

Flickr / Leo Hidalgo
Flickr / Leo Hidalgo

We all grow up eventually, even if we don’t realize it. One minute you’re up until dawn every day, the next you have a strict 10PM bedtime, NO exceptions. Suddenly we start taking life seriously and realize we won’t be meeting our future husband at 2AM because nothing good ever happens after 2AM!

If you’re wondering which category you fall into, don’t stress—we’ve got you covered with our 10 sure signs your partying days are as dead to you as sequin dresses and excessive eye shadow.

1. Your Facebook profile isn’t filled with tagged photos.

You may as well have tumbleweeds rolling across your profile page. It’s that abandoned. No more tags at nightclubs or cute pics of you and your friends being (let’s face it) slutty with faces plastered with so much makeup you could be mistaken as a drag queen.

2. You feel yourself tugging awkwardly at hemlines when you wear a short dress.

You can’t believe there was a time you could rock those killer heels and frock that barely covers your ass. Anything that sits more than halfway up your leg makes you uncomfortable and you don’t even look past the flats section of your local shoe store.

3. You’re so over crowds.

Ugghh, crowds of sweaty people reeking of alcohol actually make you want to be sick. You like your personal space and hate unnecessary bumping and grinding between strangers. You would much rather have whole rooms to yourself than share it with a thousand other people.

4. “Dancing like no one’s watching” is no longer a real form of exercise.

You’ve come to accept you’re not J-Lo or Beyoncé; twerking should not be a thing, and embarrassing yourself on a crowded dance floor after one too many drinks is not a substitute for regular exercise. It’s time to get real and hit the gym instead.

5. Your latest bank statement is above zero.

What’s this thing called money? Filling up at the gas station no longer fills you with dread; you can confidently wait in line at the shops knowing your card won’t be declined, and you haven’t spent valuable cash on alcohol in weeks. Bring on the millionaire status because you’re practically rolling in it now that you’re not wasting your hard-earned money on being a night owl.

6. You actually get shit done on the weekend.

All those DIY projects you always rolled your eyes at bloggers for doing now seem possible. You have two full days and nights to do whatever you want. You can get a shitload done in 48 hours when you’re not spending it shitfaced.

7. Two drinks and you’re gone; is that even possible?

You find yourself out to dinner with friends and those two wines you had over the whole meal have practically wiped you out. You used to be able to down a six-pack easily, now you’re feeling the effects after a few lousy drops.

8. You’re terrified at the thought of waking up in a stranger’s bed.

Every night out held the promiscuous possibility of a less than romantic encounter with a stranger. You used to get a thrill out of those sexy one-night stands, but now the thought makes you want to have a shower. You would take your own bed over some random guy’s any day.

9. You’ve never even heard of the latest cool club all the kids are hitting.

Everyone else may as well be talking gibberish because you have no idea what they’re talking about. Your friends are throwing around the latest lingo or discussing their new favorite club while you’re busy planning what pajamas you want to wear for your date with Bridget Jones’s Diary. You neither know nor care what the hell they’re talking, about and you couldn’t care less.

10. You’ve stopped living like a vampire.

It’s incredible; you can actually go out in the sunlight and not burn into a gooey pile of flesh. A year ago you wouldn’t have thought that was possible since you’d lived a significant part of your life being nocturnal. Now you welcome dawn with open arms, not closing blinds. TC mark

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