We have been raised in a culture (for centuries!) where women judge, compare, dismiss, and punish other women. Despite the #MeToo movement and the rise of the feminine, these things are still happening today. And we’ve all been there.
These patterns, thoughts, and behaviors have been generationally taught and ingrained in our hearts and minds. They’re a part of the collective consciousness—a greater energy than we can see—and this energy is thick.
The only way to permanently change and shift this part of our culture is for us to choose to take conscious action to support each other right now. Say goodbye to the days of us putting each other down and competing. We must shift our mindset and follow with our actions so that the collective consciousness can really start to rise.
By changing your mindset, you can instantly affect and transform those around you. This is one part of human nature that we should not keep around. We can change it together. I am personally taking action by calling out these behaviors from clients to friends and even myself (I would be lying if I said I never had an unsupportive thought). It’s time we shifted our mindsets from judgment and negativity to togetherness and love. And here’s how.
Jealousy And Comparison = Expansion And Opportunity
Whenever you feel jealous over someone else’s life and compare yourself to them, explore it deeper. First, ask yourself why. Create an opportunity to get to know yourself better by unpacking the root of your jealousy. Chances are your “I’m not good enough” inner ego is ringing loudly. Practice self-compassion and acknowledge that everyone is on their own path at their own pace. Yours is not wrong; it is merely unique to you.
Another way to explore it is by seeing every person you feel jealousy toward as a role model—someone you admire and want to embody. In the Law of Attraction, there’s a term called “expanders.” They are the people that have what you want—the house, the family, the energy, the body, whatever it may be. Instead of seeing these women as competition, focus on the positives you want to embody. You can manifest what you envy just like that. And if “I’m not good enough” keeps ringing, find someone in your life who can guide you and remind you of the reasons you’re more than enough.
Judging And Putting Down = Empowering And Giving Credit
Regardless of the strides we’ve made as women, it’s still harder for us to break barriers and smash glass ceilings. So if your fellow female takes steps up or is killing it in a particular area of her life, empower her to keep going rather than put her down. We can all help one another climb, and we should not be the ones standing in the way of our collective growth. Because when it’s your turn? You’ll want that same credit and reinforcement behind you—alchemize your judgment into support!
And if you notice you judge women for their accolades often, again ask yourself why. In some cases, you may disapprove of how they’re portraying themselves or acting out. If so, ask yourself why you choose to focus on what she’s not doing right. Move your focus elsewhere or choose to accept where she is on her path.
Not Listening And Dismissing = Speaking With Compassion And Holding Space
The biggest challenge with communication is when we put our assumptions into the conversation and refuse to listen to the other party. Not only are people sometimes just waiting for their turn to speak, they’re also not listening with compassion. I’ve been here before, and I’ve learned from each misstep. I know now that the best way to shift your listening toward compassion is to simply slow down. Embrace each conversation, give the other person space, and hear what they are saying beyond their words. Pay attention to body language, facial expressions, and the emotion behind their voice.
As women, we’ve been asked to be quiet and hold our opinions for way too long, and it’s amazing that we are now using our voices to speak up with power and intention. But that does not mean we ignore, evade, or dismiss someone else. Hold space for your fellow females by asking intuitive questions and becoming aware of your implicit bias in conversations. When you’re in doubt, give them the benefit of the doubt.
Disconnection And Avoidance = Connection And Effort
Sometimes the rise up can become lonely, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Harboring resentment or feeling like we need to do it alone is becoming more and more prevalent. Yes, we’re all capable, but no, we shouldn’t rise in a silo.
In times when you feel alone, extend your hand to connect with the females in your life (or in your communities). Build a bridge to communication and openness. Invite others into your world, ask questions, see other women around you as doors—to opportunities, ideas, and new beginnings. Start today by reaching out to one woman right after reading this and telling her why she inspires you. I guarantee you’ll start a chain reaction, and female support is definitely worth going viral.
Bonus tip: Create a Pinterest or mood board of all the women you admire (and sometimes get jealous of). Identify what about them makes you jealous (i.e., what part of them you want MORE of), and use this board as your inspiration and visualization.