1. Having dinner with a girl before she blows me is basically like having to watch the advertisement before a YouTube video.
2. When your girlfriend complains that you never do anything fun, tell her it’s because she’s not skinny enough.
3. It’s impossible to take a picture of a female without her asking to see it after.
4. It’s too much of a hassle to go to the clinic and donate sperm. It’s so much easier to cum on a girl’s face and make her walk there.
5, Don’t fuck fat girls, but leave the crack of the apartment door open and let them suck your dick from the hallway.
6. There are approximately 84 attractive lesbians in the world. The rest look like alcoholic carpenters.
7. “I will wreck your pussy,” is apparently not a good text message to send after a first date.
8. If you take home a girl who says “YOLO”, be prepared to get HPV.
9. Lunchables are a good meal for a kid whose mom is too busy having meth sex to make a sandwich.
10. Asians can only be one of the following things in life: a doctor, a scientist or a disappointment to their parents.
11. If girls put half as much effort into blowjobs as they do with their makeup, the world would be a better place.