You were the biggest storm I’ve ever experienced. I saw the beauty in the rain—there were no clouds, but a blood red sky, streaks of purple and gold running through them. I’d always known before to run, hide, protect yourself when the sky looked like you.
I guarded myself with a flimsy shield but couldn’t run. I was entranced by the beauty and felt myself unwillingly inching closer to the ocean every minute of the day. You begged me to immerse myself, to jump in, to trust that I would never drown.
I can’t remember anything after being swept up in the wave—I was launched directly into the center of the hurricane. You told me I was safe, to let go, to allow myself to relax and breathe. Every breath made me choke, filling my lungs with water. I couldn’t adjust to the water, every twist and turn becoming more painful than the next. I finally became numb.
The winds died down, and the waves were mere ripples. The numbness left as quickly as the storm, every ache, pain and break intensified – it was unbearable. When I looked around, I couldn’t see the shore anymore. Being exhausted and dizzy, I couldn’t remember where I came from. I didn’t have the will to search for home but prayed for you to come back. My safety was in the heart of your storm.
If only you came back, maybe I could find my way home. When I finally let myself relax, I felt myself sinking under the water. The saltwater filled my lungs, and I felt at peace.
I opened my eyes what felt like years later. Every inch of my body ached, being the only reminder that this wasn’t all a dream. The chaos, the pain, fear, and the love, remorse, the longing. It didn’t make sense how I could miss you.
You were a disaster in my life, I was a disaster in yours. I’ve finally reached a sense of peace in what we actually were, and it’s brought peace to me. I no longer need to drown, I no longer need to allow myself to die to feel peace and calm.
There are days I wish I could forget you, the storm that led me so far from myself. I haven’t forgotten you, and I never will. I won’t forget what I once thought to be so beautiful. I’m over you and can move on in peace, no longer fearing what would happen to me or if I would steal the wind, killing you and becoming the storm.
Thank you for coming to an end. I don’t hate you—all storms come to an end, leaving a trail of destruction. Your storm came to an end to allow me to live.
Thank you for giving me my life. I’ve accepted it now, and I can let myself smile. I can breathe the air around me. Now, when I smell the ocean breeze, I’ll think of you and hold my loved ones closer. Thank you for showing me to love them better, hold them closer, and not to let them go.
Thank you for teaching me it’s okay to accept love; it’s okay to love. Love isn’t a storm—storms will hurt, they’ll cause pain, and they’ll end. With your storm, I’ve learned. I’ll never love the way I loved the hurricane, but now, now I’m learning to love fearlessly. I love so much better and stronger. What I thought was broken is now stronger, braver, less naive.
One day, when the sun begins to set and I smell a hint of the ocean breeze from hundreds of miles away, I’ll know to hold tighter. Thank you. Thank you for being the storm that led me to loving better.