I Only Thought About You Once Today

I realized I only thought about you once today.

Every song doesn’t remind me of you anymore.

I can finally watch my favorite shows again without hearing you complain about how annoying it is but then catching you watching it over my shoulder.

Today I managed to play your favorite record on the record player while I cleaned without thinking about you half-asleep on the couch, slowly bobbing your head back and forth to it.

I drove to our spot today. I sat there remembering what it felt like to be with you.

I remembered your skin on mine, your mouth on me, your fingers running down my spine in the morning as I forced myself closer into your chest. I remembered the sound of you sneaking down the stairs at 6 a.m. to make sure I woke up to hot coffee. The smell of your cologne lingering in the air after you’ve left for work.

Today I sang in the shower without seeing your smile.

Today I walked past the spot where we stood and said goodbye. Where I watched you walk away from me one final time. I stood there remembering the fights, the crying, and the dark moments that slowly became our normal.

One day I’ll wake up and you won’t be my first thought. One day you won’t be my last thought before I close my eyes at night. One day I won’t hope it’s you calling when my phone rings. I won’t always pause and wait to see if you’re going to come stop me from drinking the last of your drink you put in the refrigerator to save for tomorrow.

I only thought about you once today, and now today I am one step closer to never thinking about you again.