It wasn’t a love story and neither was it a breakup nor an almost relationship. It was a story about a broken man and a broken woman.
Perhaps, I was never in the cards for you but we fell into the arms of one another. You were broken and I was broken. It was nowhere near the definition of love but we seek solace and I would love to tell you that your presence consoled my soul. I wish mine did the same for you too. I wish I wish..
You see, I have been living on emotional credit for many years and all I knew was to give and give my all. Despite giving my all, love has never looked my way and I’ve lost every man that I once loved. When you came into my life, wounded and broken; I was empty and still, I wanted to be there for you because I know how empty it feels when no one’s there whilst we’re screaming for help internally. I wanted to be a pillar of support that you can always fall back on without judgment.
In a blink of an eye, we started hanging out and spending time more frequently whilst embarking on new adventures together in foreign countries. In that moment, I felt I gained a new partner to connect with, both in friendship and in emotional support for each other.
To others, your words may seem to be in loops for the situation you were previously caught in. However, I can’t seem to get sick of listening to you as you were being authentic and open to discuss your emotions, therefore, my ears were always listening, anytime, and anywhere.
Despite all that, we had our arguments and fights, just like anyone else, and yet it subconsciously drew me closer to you but little did I know, you were drifting away slowly. All that is keeping us connected now are text messages and nothing more.
I don’t wish to be the one making you feel suffocated or obligated just because I missed the old times. Sure, I love being around you but it shouldn’t feel draining for either of us. It was supposed to be fun whilst we are healing and finding ourselves again. I love you but not in the way that I want to make you gasp for air and freedom. So this is me, giving you space and stopping to appreciate what’s around me without walking alongside you.
I know I’ll be ok someday and accept the fact that you are or have already slipped away but I do want you to know that it is perfectly ok that you do you and live for yourself without feeling the need to be obliged or react according to how others or I may feel. Nonetheless, I’ll always be there for you if you need me to be, no matter where or when.
To the man I love. I love you.