I met you in 2018 in my first workplace in London. You had interviewed me and I had a crush on you ever since. We instantly connected and ended up spending seven wonderful months together. Every time I was with you, I felt butterflies in my stomach. Every time you touched me, I felt myself tremble. I admired how kind, patient, hardworking and sincere you were, and I loved that you would spend time only with me. I felt proud being by your side when we went for our office parties. I felt you had eyes only for me. We liked spending weekends together just cuddling in each other’s arms and watching movies. You would keep my head on your chest and kiss my forehead so frequently. Every time we went to the cinema, you would hold my hand the entire movie. I had begun believing in love again. I had begun feeling loved again. I was madly and deeply in love again.
And then you betrayed me. You ghosted me out of the blue and went back to your ex, who I never knew existed. My heart broke into a million pieces. The pain of what you had done and seeing all your happy pictures with her on social media crushed my soul. I had never felt so broken, unloved, and rejected all my life. I became depressed for almost six months. I tried contacting you and asking you to meet. I just wanted to see you again, to hold you again, to know that I had meant something to you. But you didn’t want to meet me because I guess you didn’t want her to know about me. I slowly began moving on, and then one day in August 2019 you messaged me saying you had been really sorry for what you had done and you wanted to meet me to apologize. I wish I had never met you again. But fate had different plans for me.
Being the kind and forgiving person that I am, I met you. You apologized. You told me you broke up with her because she was a control freak and that you assured me that you would never go back to her again. You had lost a lot of weight and had begun smoking because of her. I felt pity seeing you even after what you had done to me. I forgot the depression you had put me through and I was genuinely worried for you. You even told me that karma had gotten back at you for hurting me and admitted to having feelings for me at some point. I believed all your words and innocently gave you a second chance.
We started seeing each other again. I started getting the same butterflies again every time I was with you. I wanted to dress well when I was with you. We had started showering physical affection on each other again, and it all felt so special, as if there had never been that bad phase. I remember you telling me once that you saw distance in my eyes, distance between us. I thought you had genuinely realized your mistake and had changed for good. I had started feeling happy again. I was able to dance, sing, and sleep peacefully again.
But there were signs that I ignored. This time you were different. You would get angry really quickly and take a long time to reconcile. You would get angry if I didn’t agree to give you girlfriend benefits. In December, I took you to my office Christmas party as a plus one. We had the best time drinking and dancing and spent an amazing night together. And the next day, when I asked you what we meant to you, you just played a silly game on your phone and mercilessly told me that you didn’t have any romantic feelings for me. I got very angry and upset. After that, we started texting each other less. You still told me a few times that you wanted to continue having sex, but I said I couldn’t. After that, you stopped maintaining contact with me. You only replied to my messages, and with time you began ignoring my messages altogether. In April, after no contact for almost 20 days, I tried to contact you and you repeated history. You blocked me again. But before you could do that, I had already seen that you had added the same ex back as a friend on Facebook again.
You broke my heart again in the exact same way you did before. You broke my trust again. I cried myself to sleep for almost a week. I felt bad that I had been foolish to give you a second chance. You had never deserved it. But you know what? I am glad I did give you that chance. I learned three very important things:
1. Never give undeserving people a second chance
2. I am a very strong and compassionate person who was able to forgive someone who was never even sorry
3. You were never the person I had idealized you to be
I have deleted your contact and our conversations and have kept your gifts far from my sight and reach. I will stop thinking about you soon enough because you do not deserve any more of my time, emotion, and energy. I have realized that you are a weak human who just hops from one person to another for your own selfish needs. I really pity you because you chose to lose someone twice who would never have left your side.
This time you have not broken me. You have made me stronger. I will take some time to heal, because I did truly love you, but I will heal. I will be stronger, more loving and kind. I will not let what you have done to affect me as a person. And I will not question my self-esteem. Because I did what no weak person could do. I trusted and loved a broken human again. I will eventually forgive you for what you have done, and I do know that God will do what is right for both of us. I am finally free from your toxicity. I wish you well, but I hope we never cross paths again.